O.C. Military Families Buffeted by Shifting Winds of War, Peace

Orange County military families with loved ones in the Persian Gulf have been left exhausted and confused by developments in Washington, Moscow and Baghdad, which at once seem to promise of peace but speak of war.

Most families, however, seem resigned that a ground war is necessary and will happen soon.

“It’s like a bad tooth. Pull it out and get it over with,” said Anita Millhollin, a Garden Grove woman whose 30-year-old son, Timothy, is on the front lines with the Marines in Saudi Arabia. “If we don’t totally take care of it, it will be back to hurt us.”

Millhollin added: “In reality, I think we have to conduct a ground war and possibly lose some soldiers. It is a hard thing for a mother to say, but let’s do it and get them home.”

Like the others, she thinks often about the days and possibly weeks after the battle starts--a time when she will not know whether her son is dead or alive.

“Not knowing is the worst,” she said. “Tell me the truth . . . give me the truth and I can find a way to live with it.”

Kathy Collier of Buena Park said the events surrounding the Gulf War seem to happen too quickly. “It used to be we lived from day to day, but in the last couple of days we have been living from minute to minute.”

She spoke of going to bed thinking peace was possible, only to get up to turn on the television and have those hopes dashed. Her 25-year-old son, Darin, is in the Army’s 82nd Airborne Division and may be part of the initial assault into Kuwait if an offensive is ordered.

“This has been the most tense time,” said Collier, 46. “We know we are on the brink of the part of the war that could bring many casualties.”

But Jeannie Baldwin, 28, of San Clemente said the days of contradicting statements from around the globe have left her confused and tired. Her husband, Walt, 28, is part of a Marine amphibious force aboard the assault ship Okinawa.

“It’s a roller-coaster. My emotions have been up and they have been down. You don’t know who to believe or who not to believe. You don’t know who to trust or who not to trust,” she said, explaining that Iraqi Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz was in Moscow talking about peace, while Saddam Hussein talked about war in Baghdad, and the Iraqi army was torching Kuwait.

“On one hand, I find myself praying for a peaceful solution and want everyone to come home safely,” she said. “But on the other hand, I want the situation to be taken care of. I don’t want Walt to have to go back in two years again to remove Saddam from Kuwait.”

Baldwin and other military family members felt that the use of napalm bombs for the first time by the allied forces might be another signal that an invasion is near.

“My gut instinct tells me that we are ready to move,” she said.

John Kelso of Orange, whose son, Lt. Cmdr. John Kelso, 33, is a Navy corpsman in Saudi Arabia, said like all parents, he worries constantly about his son. But he praised President Bush for “holding firm” and added that the allied forces should not stop until “we have broken the power of that guy Saddam Hussein.”

At Camp Pendleton, just south of San Clemente, some wives of Marines now in the Middle East said they are simultaneously frightened for their husbands and agonizing over what comes next.

Linda Davila, married 17 years to Gunnery Sgt. Jose Davila, said: “Hurry up, whatever he has to do, hurry up.”

Carolyn Grubb, married to a lieutenant colonel serving in the war zone, said she is getting “tremendous support” from friends, neighbors and her two teen-age sons as she waits for the next developments.

Navy Lt. Paul Schratz, a psychologist at Camp Pendleton’s Naval Hospital, said: “I see now as we approach another milestone (in the war), the level of stress is getting more and more tense. . . . Once we get into a ground war and see casualties, that will be very difficult to deal with.”

Times staff writer Ray Tessler contributed to this report.