Heavyweight Title Could Take a Pounding
What if he actually wins tonight? What if Gorging George wins?
What if when we wake up Saturday morning, George Foreman is the heavyweight--and I do mean heavyweight --champion of the world?
What would it mean?
Would it mean that we finally understand why the Japanese support sumo wrestling?
Would it mean that Foreman is, truly, the Great Wide Hope?
Would it mean that the “Tale of the Tape” involving Foreman and, say, Buster Douglas or Larry Holmes should include bust measurement?
Would it mean that Evander Holyfield made a serious mistake by not training at Wendy’s?
Would it mean that from now on, “roadwork” means drive-up windows?
Would it mean that Mark Spitz and Jim Palmer finally would realize that their big mistake was being unfortunate enough to stay in shape?
Would it mean that Jane Fonda was weakening the American public all these years when she could have been instructing women on how to bake brownies?
Would it mean that Foreman could start visiting schools throughout this great land of ours, pushing his “Just Say No to Vegetables” campaign?
Would it mean that the first thing boxing must do with the championship belt is let it out a few notches?
Would it mean that Hollywood would give us “Rocky VI,” in which a bald, corpulent, 42-year-old Rocky Balboa, played by Sylvester Stallone, goes 12 rounds with the “Italian Scallion,” Rocco Gibraltar, played by Dom DeLuise?
Would it mean that in “Raging Bull II,” De Niro would make a comeback as the fatter LaMotta?
Would it mean that from now on, whenever a fighter hits the canvas, we should worry for the canvas?
Would it mean that pay-per-view fights might start charging by the pound?
Would it mean that Foreman would find himself in danger in Africa of being mistaken for a charging rhino?
Would it mean that the Zaire ring announcer would announce: “And in this corner, in the gray trunks . . . oh, excuse me. Those are elephants.”
Would it mean that Denny McLain would make a baseball comeback?
Would it mean that Art Donovan would make a football comeback?
Would it mean that Refrigerator Perry would quit football in favor of a profession where a guy can get applauded at a weigh-in?
Would it mean that no referee, not even Richard Steele, could stop a fight too soon because there is not enough room in the ring for him to separate two fat fighters?
Would it mean that no referee could officially declare Foreman champion until he could get close enough to him to raise his arm?
Would it mean that Buster Douglas would watch Foreman defeat Holyfield and say: “See? I told you I was in shape.”
Would it mean that the Foreman fight would be replayed for years on “Wide World of Sports”?
Would it mean that from now on, boxing could only be watched on big-screen TV?
Would it mean that referees would instruct the champion, “Take off your robe,” only to have George reply, “This ain’t no robe. This is me.”
Would it mean that every sportswriter in the country could stand tall and claim: “Hey, I’m in better shape than the heavyweight champion of the world!”
Would it mean that Foreman could become the first heavyweight champion in history to use a Baby Ruth candy bar for a mouthpiece?
Would it mean that Foreman could become the first heavyweight champion in history to skip rope by laying a rope on the floor and then seeing if he could skip over it?
Would it mean that Foreman might become the first heavyweight champion in history who must postpone a fight because he couldn’t fit through the ropes to get into the ring?
Would it mean that, since we now use professionals in the Olympics, we could send George Foreman over to Barcelona to terrorize some poor kid from Bulgaria or Denmark or Cuba?
Would it mean that Evander Holyfield would have to spend the rest of his life wondering how he could lose to a mudslide?
These and many other questions will be answered tonight in Atlantic City, N.J., where either Holyfield will be a glutton for punishment or Foreman will be punished for gluttony.
Foreman is looking forward to fighting near the Atlantic Ocean. Foreman’s the one on the left.
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