Strike Zone: Batter, Fan Baserunner

Rob Dibble has the right idea. Throw the baseball at the runner.

For years, I have been thinking of ways that the game can be improved. This is it.

Not only must the runner avoid being tagged, he has to dodge the baseball as fielders throw it at him.

Works for me.

The other day, Dibble--who doesn’t have all his seams on his Rawlings, if you catch my drift--was pitching for Cincinnati against a guy from Chicago by the name of Doug Dascenzo.

Dascenzo is sort of a cute little rascal. I think around town he’s known as Dougie the Cubbie.

Dibble is this hunk of burning smoke who throws fastballs about as fast as Roger Clemens or Bob Feller. Dibble’s fastball goes so fast, the guy holding the radar gun wants it to take a Breathalyzer.

Anyhow, Dizzy Dibble is also the character who, earlier this season, heaved a baseball into the grandstand, conking a schoolteacher. She didn’t mind catching a souvenir. She just didn’t care for catching it when her back was turned.

Dibble apologized and said he would be a good boy and never do it again. The president of the National League said naughty, naughty, and told Dizzy Dibble to take four days off and collect his thoughts, if he had any.

Flash forward now to the game between the Reds and the Cubs, as little Dougie wonders how he will ever swing the bat quickly enough to connect with big Dibby’s 100-mile-per-hourer.

So, he lays down a bunt.

Run, Dougie, run! cry the Cub fans on the premises.

Not so fast, says pitcher Dibble.

He picks up the ball, aims and nails Dascenzo with his back turned, right in the leg. Perfect strike.

Afterward, everybody acted as though Dibble had done something awful. That batting a baseball is difficult enough without the pitchers trying to brush back the runners .

But I propose that Dibble has given the people who run the game of baseball something to think about.

I mean, when an announcer yells: “Here’s the throw! And . . . they got him!” he could mean got him right in the neck. Right, Rob?

Or when he says a guy is out at first base, he means out cold. Right, Rob?

Or when he says the pitcher has picked off the baserunner, he means really picked off. Right, Rob?

We solve arguments in a hurry. Umpires don’t always get a good view of a fielder making a tag or stepping on the bag. Those bang-bang plays are tough to call.

But when it’s the runner who gets banged, everybody in the ballpark will know it. He’ll fall down in pain and start rubbing some part of his body.

Players could get quite good at this. They could have a training ground, the way police officers aim their guns at cardboard robbers that pop up out of bogus banks.

During batting practice, each batter after his last swing has to circle the bases safely while everybody on the field tries to hit him with the ball. He might look like a duck in a shooting gallery, but think of the excitement for the fans. Batting practice can be pretty dull.

And during games, catchers will no longer have to block home plate, getting themselves all dirty. Mike Scioscia can just stand there while Darryl Strawberry tries to gun down the runner tagging at third. He will have to lead the runner perfectly, allowing for the wind.

Or let’s say Rickey Henderson wants to steal second base. Carlton Fisk calls for a pitchout, draws a bead on Rickey and lets him have it, about halfway into a head-first slide. Nails the Oakland player right in the A.

Or how about if, say, Brett Butler gets trapped in a rundown? This could become the most thrilling play in baseball. Back and forth, back and forth goes the ball, as infielders try several times to plunk a ducking Butler with the ball.

It could bring a whole new meaning to why a player is called a Dodger.

Yes, I definitely believe Rob Dibble has started something here. It must be getting monotonous for pitchers, only being able to throw at batters. Such fun it will be to have several chances at some dude as he makes his way around the basepaths. Right, Rob?

I can already hear traditionalists complaining. “You never saw anybody throw a baseball at Babe Ruth when he ran,” they will say.

Pity, too. What a large, slow target Babe made.

So far this season, Dizzy Dibble has racked up a batter, a baserunner and a fan. And the best news is, he’s got two months to go.

I can’t wait until August, when Rob doesn’t like a call by some dumb umpire.