Classic Case of an Endless Public Drama

There are some public dramas that have no end. In fact, there are some public dramas that are designed precisely so they will have no end. One sure-fire way of recognizing the endless public drama is this: The major players of the drama will continuously promise that the end is at hand.

If you are a fan of the endless drama, or would like an introduction to same, let me recommend the insurance rebate program. A classic in the making, a connoisseur’s delight. To date, the rebate drama has enjoyed a three-year run and may, as they say, have the legs of a champion.

Just last week, you will recall, Insurance Commissioner John Garamendi announced that the end was close. Perfect! He said the rebates had been ordered, that the governor had approved, that exact percentages had been calculated.

And Garamendi seemed to mean it! He even suggested that everyone call the president of their insurance company to inquire about the particulars, such as the size of the check, expected date of mailing. Et cetera.

Now you don’t often get a state officer with this kind of touch for endless drama. Here’s a man who understands the nuances, and his efforts should not be wasted.

So I decided to make my call. In this case, it went to James O. Curley, president of 20th Century Insurance. In some ways I felt I knew Curley already. Over the last three years, with each new bill from 20th Century, a note from Curley had explained why the premiums had gone up, not down, and why no rebate checks were enclosed. Each note was identical to the one before.

But somehow my call missed President Curley. Perhaps he was busy writing some new notes. In any case, I left a message. And soon enough, a pleasant young man had returned the call.

I told the pleasant young man about Garamendi, about the percentages. I told him I was wondering about my check.

There was a pause. “I afraid I don’t have good news,” he said. “Mr. Garamendi apparently did not explain the process.”

The process was not finished, he said. He started listing hearings, administrative law judges, appeal procedures.

He was saying the endless drama had not ended. I knew this, of course. So I asked if he could simply calculate the size of my potential check, using Garamendi’s percentages. Just for the fun of it.

But the pleasant young man said check calculation would not be appropriate. The company had every expectation that the Garamendi percentages would be changed before the process was complete since, you understand, the company regarded the Garamendi percentages as exorbitant. And at this point the company did not want to create false expectations.

Then why do you figure, I asked, that Garamendi went on television to announce that the rebates had been ordered? Why did he say the governor approved? Why did he hold up the charts showing 20th Century owing its customers 16.6% of their premium costs?

A puzzlement, the young man said. Perhaps you should ask Garamendi.

As it turns out, there is a Garamendi hot line. It’s 1-800-927-HELP. If you call that number, you wait while a recording reels off instructions for Executive Life investors--”please press 2”--and those with complaints about brokers or agents--”please press 1”--until, finally, you reach another pleasant young man.

Everything is true, this one said. The commissioner has ordered the rebates. The governor approves. The percentages have been calculated. But it might not be wise to count on a check in the mail.

If you read the commissioner’s statement closely, the young man said, you will notice that he says the companies may choose to comply. They may also choose not to comply.

It’s unfortunate, yes, the young man said. Some time may pass before the process is complete. The companies are not cooperating, they are not facing the reality of the rebates. But soon that will change.

Soon. Or pretty soon. After another crisis or two has come and gone; after a few careers have been made. Because, in the end, that is the purpose of the endless drama.

But the young man is correct. Eventually the day will come, and the rebates will be sent. This particular endless drama will have ended, and we will all walk to the bank with our rewards, our $100 apiece.