FASHION : Blame the Rain : Ventura County residents still don’t know what’s expected of them when those rare storm clouds that pass through open up.
Even if you’re only 2 years old, you can tell when something is different. And the little girl who lives a few houses down from me knew right away that everything was not as it should be.
When she walked outside with her mother, the street glistened with oily, rainbow-like patches that reflected a neighbor’s left-up-too-long Christmas lights. The air was strange, kind of the way it would be if Daddy had taken a shower with the lights off. And the sky, even at nighttime, was darker.
“Mommy,” she said wide-eyed, as the two of them walked toward the car, “it’s all wet out here.”
Her mother kept walking. “Well,” she said, “that’s because it rained.”
There probably are plenty of other 2-year-olds around the county who didn’t know what to make of all the recent wet stuff we got. After all, it’s been a long, dry haul. A lot of those children were probably napping the few times it drizzled--and woke up after the ground had dried.
As for the rest of you out there, I’m not so sure. Is it possible that you too were napping? Surely, there must be some rational explanation for your recent rain behavior. I’ve never seen so many people in my life act as if they’d just been deposited onto another planet’s surface without even a quarter to call home.
An example? Well, there was that small matter of the clothes you wore. And your shoes. And the umbrellas you carried. And the way you drove. And the things you said as soon as the rain stopped.
How did I get to be such an authority on the subject? I’m from San Francisco.
Now that I’ve established my credentials, there are a few simple rain rules I think you should know about--just in case we happen to be visited again by some of those funny-looking dark things in the sky:
1) When it rains, there is a specially designed article of clothing you wear over your normal clothes to keep you dry. It’s called a raincoat. If you choose not to invest in one, try to stay away from those summery cotton blouses, T-shirts and anything made of wool. Wet wool against your body, even for a short time, makes you act like someone from a Thomas Mann novel. We don’t want that.
2) We all know that this is Ventura County, and the fashion rules don’t necessarily apply here. White shoes don’t have to be put away on Labor Day and sandals are probably OK until October. But let’s get serious. You don’t have to borrow your child’s galoshes, but some closed-toe, non-canvas shoes wouldn’t kill you.
3) In Seattle, the type of umbrella you carry makes a personal statement. Obviously, this is not Seattle. One management-type, dressed in a nicely tailored suit, was spotted huddled under a little girl’s plastic umbrella with bunnies on the border. Two otherwise respectable-looking golfers were seen shielding themselves--or perhaps it was their golf ball--with a patio umbrella. There also was rampant use of newspapers to cover the head. I’m sorry, but is this necessary?
4) Many of you, living as you do near the ocean, have probably seen a boat before. You’ve probably also noticed that boats handle differently than cars. The exception to this, of course, is when you weave in and out of traffic on the Ventura Freeway, going 65 m.p.h. in the pouring rain. Then your car handles much as a boat.
The drivers of these amphibious vehicles are the same ones who, if they don’t get snuffed out right then and there, would probably die swimming in the ocean after saying, “Go on, I’m not afraid of no riptide.”
If you insist on driving this way, please let me know. I’ll be sure to take a back road home.
5) We’ve probably all seen at least one person around the county who treats the idea of conserving water as he or she would an election in Podunk. There you are, hand-washing your car with a single bucket of water, and the guy next to you is letting his hose run into the gutter while he grabs a sandwich. If you do not want to join the ranks of this type of human, do not say, after two days of rain: “OK, the drought’s over now. The only way I’ll save water is when they stop watering the golf courses.”
Why not? In case you haven’t heard, a bill was just introduced into the Assembly for consideration. It would turn California into two states. Were that to happen, you know what San Franciscans would do.
They’d hoard the water. Obviously, up there they can’t get enough.
* THE PREMISE
Ventura County is teeming with the fashionable and not so fashionable. There are trend-makers and trend-breakers. There are those with style-personal and off the rack-and those making fashion statements better left unsaid. Twice a month, we’ll be taking a look at fashion in Ventura County-trends, styles and ideas-and asking you what you think. If you have a fashion problem, sighting or suggestion; if you know a fashion success or a fashion victim, let us know. We want to hear from you.
