COMEDY : Heard the One About Encino? : Earlier, professional comedians ribbed the Valley. Now it’s the readers’ turn, and some of their jokes are as good if not better.
In 1992, America elected a new President and a new Elvis stamp.
Big deal.
Because now, finally, we have the results of the most important contest of the year--the best jokes about the San Fernando Valley. The three winners will receive a Los Angeles Times Gardening Calendar and a Times’ sweat shirt.
Last month we asked professional comedians to give us jokes about the Valley. We printed the best 25 and then asked readers to try and top them.
In all, 46 readers offered 112 entries, many as good if not better than the professionals came up with. Some readers’ jokes were amusing but unprintable because of poor taste. Others were unprintable because they simply weren’t funny. Besides the three winning jokes, four deserve honorable mention.
Here are the top three winners, in no particular order:
If you like the Valley, you’ll hate Paris.
--Bennett J. Mintz
Mintz, 59, runs a public relations firm in Chatsworth. Most of his clients work in the fishing industry. Mintz, who has written many satirical pieces for fishing magazines, admits his entry was not an original.
“I’ve known it for a long time,” he said.
A typical question from the Valley SAT math test: If Jane leaves Tarzana at 11 a.m. in her Mercedes and travels 55 m.p.h. on the Ventura Freeway, and Lucy leaves Encino at 11:30 a.m. in her Beamer and travels 65 m.p.h. on surface streets, who will arrive at the Galleria first and exceed their credit card limit?
--Gary Greenfield
Greenfield, of Granada Hills, is no stranger to comedy. For years, he wrote jokes for Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers. Since 1978, he has written material for television animation series, including “Batman” and “Police Academy.”
“I thought it would be fun to give this a shot,” Greenfield said, speaking of the Valley contest. “I sat with my wife and daughter, and it took me about 20 minutes to come up with these ideas.”
One of my dictionary’s definitions of “Valley” is: any hollow, depression, or dip. That pretty much covers it.
--Robert (Ribs) Sherman
Ribs, of Studio City, hopes to make comedy-writing a career. So far, though, he hasn’t been paid for any jokes.
“I’ve had people laugh at my jokes before,” said Ribs, 25, “and I’ve written for friends who are stand-up comedians.”
Some other jokes deserve honorable mention:
Did you hear the one concerning a Valley person’s favorite cereal? It’s total.
--Robert Weir, of Encino
People have said that the Valley is a cultural wasteland, and I have to disagree. Paris has the Eiffel Tower, Rome has the Colosseum and Egypt has the pyramids. And the Valley has Bob’s Big Boy. We should be proud that we possess the only historical landmark in the world that serves fries.
--Robert Sherman
Valley life is an oxymoron.
--Robert Sherman
What do you call it when 10,000 Valleyites get together for a major cultural event?
A swap meet.
--Hal Rothberg of Encino
