Jingle Bill, Jingle Lloyd, Jingle Al Bore : Clinton Administration: Exit inspiration; enter a new paradigm to ensure economies of scale are not obsoleted.

As the Clinton Administration continues to take shape, one thing is becoming very clear: This is not a fun group. From Secretary of State-designate Warren Christopher, who was once thought to have smiled before it turned out to be gas; to designated Deputy Budget Director Alice Rivlin, reputed to know every comma of the 1,700-page budget and whose favorite late-night comic is probably Ted Koppel; to incoming Labor Secretary Robert Reich, whose demeanor makes Lloyd Bentsen look like Robin Williams;to Bill Clinton himself, the government we’re getting looks like “Revenge of the Nerds.”

Future history books may compare and contrast these contributions to inspirational presidential rhetoric:

“We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”--F.D.R.

“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”--J.F.K.

“When the macroeconomic environment is threatened by low investment in infrastructure, a new paradigm must assure the economies of scale are not obsoleted.”--Bill Clinton.

Under Clinton, presidential humor may run along the lines of “Take my balanced approach between new programs and long-term deficit reduction--please!”

Where Barbara Bush ghost-wrote a lighthearted book for Millie about a dog’s life in the White House, Hillary Clinton’s effort for First Cat Socks might be titled, “Furballs, Catnip Addiction and Neglected Kitty Litters: The Reagan-Bush Legacy to Felines in Crisis.”

But the biggest change could be in Christmas future. You can bet that Vice President Al Gore will want to get to the bottom of why Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has a nose that glows. If Gore suspects it’s radiation poisoning from a North Pole toxic waste dump, Rudolph will be mothballed next Christmas, leaving the other reindeer to find their way on their own--assuming Santa’s sleigh meets new, tougher fuel standards.

The Clintons will urge that all Nativity scenes depict the Three Wise Men bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and position papers.

Lyric sheets will be passed out at the White House Christmas party so staffers can sing such updated seasonal songs as “I’m Dreaming of a White Paper,” “Oh Little Town of Little Rock,” and “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Reelection.”

The movie “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” a kids’ Christmas favorite, will be replaced by “Willy Wonk and the Think Tank.”

The Clinton Administration will distribute mistletoe to every American home, so we can hang it above our wallet and kiss more of our paycheck goodby.

Meanwhile, George and Barbara Bush are still in the White House for one more Christmas. And if Barbara asks the President if he wants fruitcake after the turkey, I hope he tells her he’d rather not have dinner with either Ross Perot or Bill Clinton.