11:30 Wars: Betting on Mother of All Battles : Television: America (especially members of its media) is wondering if Letterman can beat Leno at 11:30 p.m.
Even with Amy Fisher behind us, these remain perplexing times.
In the wake of U.S.-led forces hitting Iraq with air strikes, Somali snipers imperiling GIs, and violence still raging in Bosnia-Herzegovina, one question is foremost on everyone’s mind:
Can David Letterman win at 11:30 p.m.?
Hey, you want serious and profound? Read somewhere else. In this space, we’re show biz!
George Bush vs. Saddam Hussein and those other conflicts are troublesome, but Leno vs. Letterman has been epic, even cosmic, with America (especially members of its media) wondering if the Letterman magic can be as applicable earlier in the evening as in late-late night.
For years, his talk show has flourished both creatively and fiscally at 12:30 a.m. on NBC. But is he transferable? Can he and his show’s brand of impertinent, conceptual humor also succeed on CBS at 11:30 p.m. opposite a “Tonight Show” now successfully hosted by Jay Leno, whose NBC time slot Letterman had long been lobbying for while also negotiating with CBS?
Well, why not?
Although there’s no accurately predicting the outcome of Leno vs. Letterman, the central anti-Letterman argument that’s been advanced--that the 12:30 a.m. show he’s been heading is just too “hip” for 11:30 p.m.--is simply preposterous. Is there any documentation that Americans who hit the sack at 12:30 are automatically less sophisticated than those who remain awake? If that’s the case, then why TV’s proliferation of late-late night infomercials aimed at the dullard crowd?
Reports have also been circulating that Letterman would relocate to Los Angeles, thereby costing his show its “New York edge.” When it comes to Hoosier native and former Los Angeles resident Letterman, what exactly is a “New York edge”? And how would relocating his show to Los Angeles--assuming it would be moved here essentially intact--alter its tone and sensibility? Would being nearer to Disneyland make a dramatic difference?
No. If Leno clobbers Letterman, so-called hipness and New York edges won’t be deciding factors. For any number of other reasons, viewers may simply prefer Leno.
Just as the arrival of Arsenio Hall energized the late-night mix, meanwhile, Leno vs. Letterman also offers viewers a real talk show choice at 11:30:
Who’s funniest? Leno is funny, Letterman funnier. Leno is funnier looking. Letterman has funnier hair.
Who’s meanest? Letterman.
Who would save a drowning guest? Leno, but Letterman might if it would get a laugh.
Who would be most likely to mention Saddam Hussein? Leno, who, unlike Letterman, fills his monologues with political jokes.
Who would be most likely to call Saddam Hussein on the phone? Letterman.
Who’s the better interviewer? Leno. He’s bad, Letterman worse.
Who would date Amy Fisher? Neither would consider dating Amy Fisher.
Who would interview Amy Fisher, questioning her only about her hair? Letterman.
Who laughs the most at his own jokes? Leno.
Who laughs the most at guests’ jokes? Leno.
Who would be most likely to have on Cybill Shepherd and interview her while she was wearing only a towel? Letterman.
Who would be most likely to have on Tom and Roseanne Arnold and fawn over them? Leno.
Who would be most likely to attach a live minicam to the head of a roller-skating monkey? Letterman.
Whose show is most, well, dangerous? Letterman’s. On Wednesday, for example, Leno went into the audience to play “Celebrity in a Sack” with Tony Randall.
Who would be most likely to refer to their intense behind-the-scenes haggling with NBC over which would be the network’s 11:30 p.m. talk-show host of the future and which would leave? A tossup.
On Wednesday, Leno kidded his audience about having to queue up outside in the rain without even knowing if there would be a place for them inside the studio. “Yeah,” he said. “I know how you feel.” And later he joked with members of his band about getting big heads. “Like if I go, they’re staying.” He rolled his eyes. “Right.”
On that night’s Letterman show, Susan Sarandon needled him several times about his highly publicized contract talks. “You’re pretty cocky during these negotiations,” she said. “You have this mid-negotiation, multimillion-dollar glow about you.”
Letterman grinned and said nothing. But earlier in his monologue, he’d already alluded to his expected CBS move by calling himself a “temp.”
As in temporary.
TOP 10 REASONS . . .
. . . to watch Letterman and or Leno. Or both. F31
Top 10 Reasons to Watch Jay Leno
10. He is not Arsenio Hall.
9. For relaxation.
8. He might impale a guest on his chin.
7. To document that being a host is much harder than being a guest.
6. Bill Clinton does not play the sax on his show.
5. Ed and Doc aren’t there.
4. To see if Jay’s audience will ever not hoot at a sexily dressed female guest.
3. NBC may be the only channel you can get.
2. To see if Helen Kushnick is in the audience.
1. Because it’s just hard to get enough of Tom Brokaw’s super-duper reports from the political conventions.
Top 10 Reasons to Watch Letterman
10. Dave’s unpredictable comedy.
9. Dave’s unpredictable hair.
8. “Stupid Pet Tricks.”
7. Larry (Bud) Melman’s charisma and fantastic body.
6. You’re rarely bored by wordy guests because guests are rarely allowed to speak.
5. “Viewer Mail.”
4. Bandleader Paul Shaffer’s charisma and fantastic body.
3. Dave refuses to interview Henry Kissinger.
2. “Top 10” lists.
1. Dave is not Howard Stern.
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