PERFORMANCES / AN OPINIONATED GUIDE

This is the rock ‘n’ roll lineup for the week. Look elsewhere for country, jazz, and who cares about Top 40 brain death cover bands, anyway? The vast majority of these bands do original music or else they’re lying to me.

TONIGHT

* Rukkus (Cheers, 1308 E. Los Angeles Ave., Simi Valley, 581-2488) . No spellers in this group.

* Art Carnage (Jake’s, 2350 N. Vineyard Ave., Oxnard, 983-6995) . A lot of covers, but also an hour and a half of originals and a tape on the way. (Also Tuesday and Wednesday)

* Wonderwall (Champs, 1900 S. Victoria Ave., Oxnard, 984-8015) . Rock in the harbor after “The Simpsons.”

* Phooey, New President (Mayfair Theatre, 793 Santa Clara St., Ventura, 648-5019) . A couple of new bands take the stage at the place with no booze and no age limit and nothing on the marquee.

* Molly Hatchet (Ventura Theatre, 26 Chestnut St., Ventura, 648-1888) . Classic rock comes to the classic venue for the thirtysomethings on their big night out to rub elbows with bikers.

* Slam Alice (Bermuda Triangle, 477 E. Main St., Ventura, 653-0466) . Melodic hard rock by a band with a sense of humor.

* Beggar’s Opera (Brewhouse, 202 State St., Santa Barbara, 963-3090) . It’s an acoustic thing tonight.

* Tin Idols (Toes Tavern, 416 State St., Santa Barbara, 965-4655) . Sort of like a classic rock band for the ‘90s on “Starving Student Night” and all that free pizza.

* D.O.G., Red River Gumbo (Beach Shack, 500 Anacapa St., Santa Barbara, 966-1634) . The canine band does a power funk thing sort-of-like Munkafust without the million drooling co-eds.

* Fin, Greg & Dave (Alex’s Cantina, 633 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-0032). Three guys who know every pop song ever written since 1960. (Also Friday at Spike’s Place in Goleta and Monday at Calypso in S. B.)

* Roadhouse Rockers (Art’s Bar, 2611 De la Vina St., Santa Barbara, 569-0052). It’s a rockabilly trio whose collective watch stopped about 1959.

FRIDAY

* Strange Impact (Cheers). It’s the Friday night dance band doing a 50/50 mix of originals and covers. (Also Saturday)

* Rocking Horse (Gold Street, 2258 Pickwick St., Camarillo, 388-7155). Mostly covers, a few originals, for the town of many malls and much concrete. (Also Saturday)

* The Goods (Elephant Bar, 5795 Walker St., Ventura, 644-6238). Bluesy rock, jazz, R & B--typical bar band stuff.

* Ill Repute (Mayfair Theatre). Raging punk rock from Port Hueneme with a decade of experience, a zillion songs, a swell attitude, no Mariah Carey covers and a new CD in the works.

*Mary’s Danish, Grant Lee Buffalo, Ariel (Ventura Theatre). Thetre headliners have a pair of screeching vocalists. The Buffalo band plays intelligent folk rock. See Night Life

* Jones N Five, Metropolis (Bermuda Triangle). No slow ones and no sensitive ballads tonight.

* Alan Thornhill (Nicolby’s Coffeehouse, 404 E. Main St., Ventura, 653-6488). It used to be Mogz, but now they only have acoustic music; it’ll be much quieter.

* Rick Reeves & the Future Blues Band (Big Yellow House, 108 Pierpont St., Summerland, 969-4140). Classic rock with a lot of guitar solos is what’s happening at the only venue in this burg. (Also Saturday and Monday at Alex’s Cantina)

* The Bluescasters (The Mesa Cafe, 1972 Cliff Drive, Santa Barbara, 965-5303). It’s blues in the strip mall tonight.

* The Gathering, 12 Stories (Brewhouse). The headliners used to be No One You Know; after a couple of the beers, you won’t know anyone or anything.

* Love Masters (Toes Tavern). Rockin’ reggae, no cover, but no free pizza, either.

* Lion I’s (Beach Shack). It’s a wild dance-a-thon fueled by some up-tempo reggae rock.

* Circus Frequency, J.D.’s Last Ride (Alex’s Cantina). S. B. pop rock meets wild Ventura rockabilly.

* Little Jonny & the Giants (Art’s Bar). Rockin’ blues band fronted by Jon Lawton, who’s not really that small, but perhaps Little Jonny sounds better than Average Jonny.

* Still Life, FYP (The Anaconda Theater, 935 Embarcadero del Norte, Isla Vista, 685-3112). Never heard of ‘em, but probably a couple of thrash bands.

SATURDAY

* Rock Steady Posse (Garfields Bar & Grill, 2789 E. Main St., Ventura, 648-1917). Rooty reggae out of San Luis Obispo provides the soundtrack to all those TVs showing the Kings with the sound off. (Also Sunday at Toes)

* Michael Tomlinson (Ventura Theatre). Environmentally sensitive heartthrob tree hugger out of the Northwest singing about the Right Stuff.

* Coral, Delicious Wickedness (Bermuda Triangle). Endless guitar solos are what this power trio is all about.

* Two Good Reasons (Nicolby’s Coffeehouse). Intelligent folk rock featuring Joe Hamilton, formerly of Plato’s Cat. Hey, anybody that likes cats can’t be all bad.

* J.D.’s Last Ride (Beat City, Palm and Main streets, Ventura, 653-5545). Rockabilly all the way live inside the coolest record store in town, just a few steps away from great junk food at the Top Hat.

* John Boutelle & the King Renegades (Midnight Hour, 281 W. Main St., Ventura, 641-2112). This is the new club in town that used to be a redneck bar, the Chaparral. The new owner called to give me this listing. It’s the blues.

* The Out-a-towners (Mesa Cafe). Bluesy covers and like that.

* The Electricats (Toes Tavern). The Acousticats meet the Edison Company.

* Creature Feature (Alex’s Cantina). I. V. rock band for whom loud and fast figure prominently.

* Bluegrass, Etc. (Bluebird Cafe, 1221 State St., Santa Barbara, 966-7778). Country music played on unamplified stringed instruments, et al.

* Big Al & the Pawnbrokers (Art’s Bar). Art likes blues--tonight, he’s a happy camper.

* Irie Ites (Caribbean Cuisine, 5838 Hollister Ave., Goleta, 967-7265). Finhead reggae out of Silver Strand featuring a new cast of finheads.

SUNDAY

* Strung Out, Tree of Love, Free Stone Half, Tempus Fugit (Cheers). It’s four bands every Sunday night.

* White Zombie (Ventura Theatre). Horror-metal band with the parents advisory nasty-word sticker prominently affixed to the CD.

* John Marx & the Blues Patrol (Bermuda Triangle). Blues in the afternoon. Three bucks will get you in, plus a free tri-tip dinner as well.

* The Magyk Band (Bombay Bar & Grill, 143 California St., Ventura, 643-4404). It’s the Sunday reggae show.

* The Hanson Brothers, Phooey (The Anaconda Theatre). Named after the psycho hockey brothers in the movie “Slap Shot,” it’s just NoMeansNo with a more accessible sound and a new name.

MONDAY

* JJ (Bad Boy) Jones (Jake’s). Old dude in an old hat doing those rockin’ blues.

* Acoustic Night (Bermuda Triangle). You show up, you play. You don’t, you watch “Star Trek--The Next Generation.”

TUESDAY

* Yellowman, Underground Roots Syndicate (Ventura Theatre). It’sre the one beat, one song, one week thing, mon.

* The Wedding Band (Beach Shack). It sounds lame--a bunch of guys from a bunch of different bands doing all covers. It’s not. This is THE raging Tuesday night gig in S. B., as it has been for at least five years.

* Henry Rollins (Campbell Hall, UC Santa Barbara, 893-3536). This one is not a musical gig, but a spoken/screaming word performance by Rollins, who used to scare people when he fronted punk legends Black Flag. Rollins has got a million tattoos and he looks mean enough to chew them off, but it’s all just a part of his Angst Inc. spiel.

WEDNESDAY

* Strange Brew (Alex’s Cantina). It’s the blues.

* Bad Manners, Twist-Offs, The Upbeat (The Anaconda Theatre ). The bald people will be dancing long and hard tonight at this ska blowout. See Up The Coast

Yup, it’s only rock ‘n’ roll and, thus, these listings are subject to change for no apparent reason. Mom was right--call first.