At Olson’s, You’re Treated Like a Member of the Team

Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle wrote that there is a story making the rounds at the NCAA tournament regarding a restaurant in Tucson owned by Arizona basketball Coach Lute Olson.

A thirsty fellow went into Olson’s on Broadway and ordered a double bourbon on the rocks, downed it and asked for another. He was refused. Why, he asked.

“Because,” the bartender said, “at Olson’s, you have to leave after the first round.”

Trivia time: Before this year, when was the last time the Final Four was made up of teams with the names of four states?

Joining the heathens: Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Examiner, examining the part California’s administration played in hiring Todd Bozeman as basketball coach at Berkeley, wrote:

“Cal’s administration has traditionally prided itself on its ability to hold the athletic department in mild contempt. Success on a national scale in the two primary sports was regarded as something in which the heathens at USC, UCLA or Washington engaged, and not to be completely trusted.”

Sweet song: From Blackie Sherrod of the Dallas Morning News:

“Ben Hogan once said his idea of a perfect round would be 18 birdies. Some listener declared it would never be done, and Hogan wanted to know why not.”

Job stress: From Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe on Red Sox pitcher Jeff Russell: “Russell comes across as your basic jaded, spoiled, Cro-Magnon big league ballplayer. This is what he had to say last winter during his endless contract negotiations.

“ ‘It’s no fun anymore. Playing baseball has become a chore. All that negotiating stuff and the travel. . . . I’ve never been used right in my career.’ ”

New breed: From Dan Barreiro of the Star Tribune of Minneapolis:

“I have a new favorite pro football player. His name is Steve (Mongo) McMichael, the defensive tackle for the Chicago Bears. McMichael fired his agent.

“ ‘I have been through the process enough times now that I can pretty much do it myself,’ said McMichael, who is an unrestricted free agent. ‘There is no sense paying somebody 3% of the money when you can do something yourself.’ ”

No relief: John Candelaria, the 39-year-old relief pitcher now with the Pittsburgh Pirates, told Bob Smizik of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette why his statistics got worse with the Dodgers after each All-Star break.

“Someone said to me, ‘How can you be tired pitching so few innings?’ Well, if you know baseball, or if you follow the Dodgers, you’d know why.

“I’d be up in the bullpen in the fifth inning, the sixth, the seventh, the eighth. This went on the whole year, both years. By July, I couldn’t pick up the ball.”

Goofy gun: An unidentified broadcaster was quoted in “Baseball’s Even Greater Insults” with this line on the accuracy of radar guns that scouts use: “Some speed guns have clocked trees going 45 m.p.h.”

Trivia answer: 1981, with Indiana, North Carolina, Virginia and Louisiana State.

Quotebook: Bob Uecker, on the many times he was cut by baseball teams: “They broke it to me gently. The manager came up to me before a game and said they don’t allow visitors in the clubhouse.”