Help for Grandparents on 2nd Go-Round
Life took on new meaning for Barbara Wasson at age 53, when she suddenly became a parent again. Just as she and her husband were preparing for retirement, their son’s children came to live with them.
Three years ago, Wasson became mom to an 11-month-old girl, and eight months later, a 4-month-old boy.
“My life completely changed. I couldn’t do what I wanted to do any more, go to lunch or go shopping. You don’t have time or energy to play cards or go out to dinner because you can’t ever find a baby-sitter. We lost most of our friends.”
The children’s mother, who is not married to Wasson’s son, was recently released to a drug rehabilitation program after a nine-month jail sentence for selling drugs, Wasson said. Wasson said her son, who also lives with them, has legal custody of his two children but is unable to support them on the salary he earns as a manager of a service station. So Wasson and her husband Grady, a computer programmer, stepped in.
The grandchildren have shown Wasson something her own children never did, she said, “how precious life can be. I never understood that before.”
The understanding came three years ago when Wasson joined Grandparents as Parents, a Long Beach-based support group for the ever-growing number of middle-aged and elderly people raising grandchildren, Wasson said.
Today, she is one of five directors of the private, nonprofit organization, which also has groups in West Los Angeles, Glendale and Bellflower. “My greatest accomplishment in life has been working with the grandparents,” she said. “I now know I was put on this earth to do something like this. I have meaning. I feel fulfilled.”
She added quickly: “I also feel tired. Children give us a reason to get up in the morning. And God knows they give us a reason to go to bed.”
From 1980 to 1990, the number of grandparents raising grandchildren more than tripled, from 988,000 to 3.2 million nationwide, according to U.S. Census data.
In 1987, a Long Beach therapist noticed a need for a local grandparents support group and started Grandparents as Parents, Wasson said. Since then, nearly 50 similar organizations have started throughout California, with many more around the nation, Wasson said.
“I have new friends all over the country. Whenever I need to talk to somebody, I can pick up the phone and call. When you know you’re not alone, that somebody else understands, you tend to flock together.”
The group helps Wasson and other grandparents cope with situations that they never encountered when raising their own children. Between four and 20 grandparents meet weekly in Long Beach to share parenting problems. They discuss how to cope with being thrust into their circumstances by spousal murder, drug abuse, suicide, gangs and a host of other problems that are leaving more and more children in the care of people other than birth parents.
Perhaps the biggest problem grandparents face is guilt, she said. “Sometimes they feel it’s their fault, they feel guilty about what they did with their own children. How can (people) say it’s your fault? When kids are in their 20s and 30s, they make their own choices.”
The Wassons will continue taking care of their grandchildren for as long as the children need them, Barbara Wasson said. “We have no date in mind. They’ll stay with us until (my son) feels like he can handle them.” Even if they move to a new home, the children will always be in their lives, she said.
“I look at our grandkids and see that they are the future,” she said. “We want to protect our future and theirs.”
Information on Grandparents as Parents: (310) 924-3996.
