Teen-Ager Refuses to Be a Victim of Circumstance

After she was molested at age 10, Desiray Bartak went from a bubbly youngster with a smile for everyone to an introverted girl who dressed in black and cried often.

But with a little help, Desiray moved on. She reported the abuse, was instrumental in convicting her assailant--a Palmdale man who was a friend of her father--and in an unprecedented move, successfully sued him for $2 million.

In doing so, she stepped out of her small-town world of neighborhood friends into the national spotlight.

While victims usually avoid publicity, Desiray, now 14, has lectured on her experience and discussed her life in press conferences and on national television. In December, she will receive an award from the Caring Institute, a national organization that honors people who work for change, in a ceremony at the White House.

“It was my idea to go public. I wanted kids to know that they have rights too,” Desiray said. “They can hire an attorney, get (their molester) prosecuted and put him in prison so the abuse can stop.

“I want kids to know that you don’t have to be ashamed, you don’t have to hide and that you can tell your secret,” she said.

With the help of her mother, Wayanne Kruger, she founded her own organization last March called CARAM, or Children Against Rape and Molestation, which publishes By Kids For Kids, a bimonthly newsletter offering tips about dealing with the consequences of child molestation.

“I feel that abused children need help and the only way they can get it now is through the police and their parents,” Desiray said in a recent interview. “But a lot of them don’t go to them. They only want to talk to their peers.”

Psychologists said Desiray’s course of conduct has been unique.

“The normal reaction is to hold the abuse in and either not remember it or not think about it,” said Dr. Arlene Aviera, a Beverly Hills psychologist who has worked with victims of child molestation for 12 years. “Usually a person doesn’t have the strength to take the action she did.”

Typically, said Aviera, victims of molestation find it difficult to build self-esteem or take control of their lives after being abused. This can result in physical and emotional problems in adulthood.

It’s a lesson Desiray has learned.

“I was forced to grow up when I was thrown into that adult situation,” she said. “The worst point was when I wanted to kill myself. I was 10.”

At first, Desiray reacted the way most victims do--she told no one. She was hospitalized for several months for severe depression.

“That is one of the biggest parts a person has to learn--to take care of yourself. To somehow protect yourself,” said Desiray. “Victims can take control of their lives.”

Aviera said Desiray’s ability to overcome is unusual.

“I have never known someone who has gone public to the media,” Aviera said. “There are effects of the attention the media adds, but it could be beneficial for her.”

It is common for child victims to try to overcome the abuse by maturing quickly, Aviera said. Often young female victims feel different than their peers because of the abuse and try to present themselves in a more mature manner.

“Girls will look much older and take on adult traits,” Aviera said. “Some do it with self-confidence, other times it is not a very good sign and we see that frequently.”

These changes are present in Desiray.

“I see a kid who went from caring about basketball and football games to a 14-year-old who cares about getting into college and helping other kids,” Kruger said. “Before she was a natural child, now she is determined.”

Kruger has noticed that her daughter chooses friends a few years older than her or who are victims of some type of abuse.

“It is hard for her to be able to socialize with children her own age,” said Kruger. “On a mentality rate, kids who haven’t gone through abuse themselves are very immature to her and she gets frustrated with them.”

That precociousness almost destroyed her family. Kruger said her husband, Brian Marschner, 34, could not deal with Desiray’s molestation and subsequent depression and went to stay with family in New York for five months.

“He wanted Desiray to fit into a child category but she can’t,” Kruger said about the separation. “We are back together now and trying to work things out.”

Desiray still has some unresolved issues stemming from her molestation. She hasn’t spoken with her father, who was a friend of her assailant, since 1993.

Although frank discussion of sexual abuse is becoming common, Aviera said there are women who remain secret victims.

Desiray’s example may prove a huge help, Aviera said. “I treat adults who went through this as a children and there was no one there for them. They had to keep it to themselves,” she said.

“To a certain degree, she has lost something that can never be regained,” Aviera said. “But having this kind of information out there and written by an abuse victim is very helpful. It gives other kids the strength to go on.”

That process of helping herself through helping others has been particularly important for Desiray. The CARAM group, based in the San Francisco Bay Area apartment she shares with her mother, stepfather and sister, receives about five or six letters a day from sexually abused children around the country. Desiray said she personally answers each one.

“This has been a big part of my healing process,” she said.