THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : Jordan Is Making Bulls Feel at Home

What, him worry?

It happens every spring: The swallows return to Capistrano, the playoffs start, the TV lights come on and Michael Jordan turns into the stuff of legend.

There was little to compare to Jordan before he went away, and if Game 1 of the Chicago Bull-Charlotte Hornet series means anything, the incomparable one is back. Did he shoot 41% in the regular season? It didn’t seem to haunt him in Friday’s game as he scored 48 points, including 20 in the fourth quarter and overtime when he took nine shots and made seven.

Suddenly, the playoffs took shape. Where there had been no favorite, one emerged wearing red.

When Jordan came back, the oddsmakers dropped the odds on the Bulls from 20-1 to 8-1 and today it’s about 5-1, even if the Bulls will never have home-court advantage, at least until each series starts.

For the Hornets, their home court was something to treasure. “It’s the only advantage we have,” Kenny Gattison said before the series. “We better take care of business.”

After Jordan took care of them instead, they did the usual 30 minutes of complaining about the referees, a cop-out and a lost cause too. Jordan was incomparable even in the days of the legal hand-check, when defenders could jab at him and try to steer him. The hand-checking didn’t work, because he was so much stronger and more explosive than anyone trying to guard him. But now it’s a foul, and “He was the one that took the life out of us,” Alonzo Mourning said.

“You can’t defend the man,” said Gattison.

Since the Hornets lucked into the draft choices that became Mourning and Larry Johnson, fortune has left them on their own. When they gave Johnson that $84-million extension, the Hornets not only blew up the entire league’s salary structure but all their maneuverability through 2005.

They’re already $3 million over the salary cap and will break new ground when Mourning gets his new deal, a reported $90 million over 10 years.

Coach Allan Bristow, who has been dangling for years, distinguished himself Friday by going for the victory with a pick-and-roll on the last play of regulation with Muggsy Bogues, whom the Bulls had been daring to shoot, and Johnson, en route to a six-for-18 game.

The Bulls waited for Bristow to yell, “Go!” and then cut the play off. B.J. Armstrong turned Bogues away from the screen, giving him a path to the basket and an open 15-footer, which Muggsy bricked.

Stay tuned for more: The Bulls mop up the Hornets, Mike meets Shaquille O’Neal in the highest-rated second round ever. Let the good times roll.

A FOND FAREWELL TO THE OLD HAG

Mention Boston Garden and the images that come to mind are rats, cigar smoke, air conditioning (as in none), hot water (too little), skulduggery, dead spots in the parquet, banners (stolen and otherwise).

Let’s get right to it. The world hated the Celtics and the Garden along with them, but it was the greatest building in sports, assuming you didn’t have to work, change clothes or take a team in there.

Tiny, steep, loud, with the greatest sight lines in basketball, it was the NBA’s best venue. No noise you can imagine compared to a full-throated roar by a Garden crowd (the closest sound is the T-Rex roar in “Jurassic Park.”) There was no electricity like that of a big game there.

There is no relief like that of opponents who’ll never have to go through that hell again.

Pat Riley, all-time coach of the I-hate-the-Celtics team, had the honor of watching his Knicks win the last regular-season game in the Garden.

Asked later if he’d get a piece of the parquet, Riley held up his 1985 Laker championship ring. “I’ve already got a piece of it right here,” he said.

“Maybe they’ll send us one of those big screws with a note.” What will the note say?

“Take a guess,” Riley said.

DO NOT CUT THESE PREDICTIONS OUT

People ask me all the time who’s going to win the NBA championship.

OK, so they’re only talk radio hosts with dead air to fill. I tell them, “I don’t know,” seeing as how (1) there are no dominating teams, and (2) nothing ever goes the way you think it will, anyway.

They persist. OK, here we go:

OPENING ROUND

Lakers 3, SuperSonics 2-- Seattle leads the series, 2-1, when the Lakers reactivate Magic Johnson, who divests himself of his 5% of the team by giving his stock to equipment manager Rudy Garciduenas. Johnson becomes a power forward, averages 20 points 10 assists and 10 rebounds (winning a side bet with Elden Campbell who claimed six boards a game was the max for that position in the modern NBA). Nick Van Exel and Jerry West retire.

Suns 3, Trail Blazers 0-- Charles Barkley announces beforehand Portland has no chance.

Jazz 3, Rockets 1-- Karl Malone says he’s outraged by people who say his team is too old.

Spurs 3, Nuggets 0-- Dennis Rodman gets his head shaved and tattooed. Wheaties signs him.

Magic 3, Celtics 1-- O’Neal goes 0 for 20 from the free-throw line in Game 3 loss. He scores 70 points in Game 4, on 35 dunks.

Knicks 3, Cavaliers 2-- Charles Oakley says he doesn’t like Riley’s guard rotation, game plan or choice of hotel in Cleveland.

Bulls 3, Hornets 1 --Bristow, Johnson, Bogues and Mourning insist the Hornets were the better team.

Pacers 3, Hawks 1-- Reggie Miller gives Ted Turner, Jane Fonda and the Olympic mascot the choke sign.

SECOND ROUND

Spurs 4, Lakers 1-- Rodman blows off a practice for a Dead Kennedys concert and is suspended for Game 3, which the Lakers win. Boy Scouts of America signs Rodman for a new ad campaign: “Sign Your Son Up or Take a Chance He’ll Turn Out Like Me.” Johnson retires again, but Garciduenas refuses to give his stock back, selling it, instead, to the highest bidder--a Donald T. Sterling of Beverly Hills.

Suns 4, Jazz 3-- Barkley announces beforehand the Jazz has no chance. Afterward, Malone demands to be traded to an organization that cares about winning.

Bulls 4, Magic 3-- Highest-rated second-round series ever fizzles. Jordan misses all his shots from the field, Shaq all his free throws.

Knicks 4, Pacers 3-- Patrick Ewing says Riley “has lost the confidence of everyone here.” Knicks prevail in double-overtime Game 7, 51-50.

CONFERENCE FINALS

Suns 4, Spurs 3-- Barkley announces the Spurs are dead meat. Rodman blows off Game 7 and retires for a career in film. Oliver Stone signs him to play the Marlon Brando role in a remake of “The Wild Ones.” Worm goes on to win the Academy Award but doesn’t show on Oscar night. Jack Haley accepts for him.

Knicks 4, Bulls 3-- Riley quells a mutiny before Game 7 when the Knicks refuse to practice, citing their coach’s “retro-brutish regimen” and “1980s mind-set.” Greg Anthony says a new look would help Riley relate to the athlete of today. “That Armani is so passe,” says Anthony. “How about a Keanu Reeves crew cut and a diamond earring?”

FINALS

Knicks 4, Suns 3-- Barkley announces the Knicks are history. John Starks, 0 for 48 in the first six games, scores 47 in a dramatic Game 7 comeback. Knick players and Riley reconcile in a tearful scene on the floor in America West Arena. Anthony Mason thanks Riley for “making me a man” and signs a new contract. Riley signs a five-year, $25-million extension and guarantees the Knicks will repeat.

FACES AND FIGURES

Back to real life or at least the NBA variant: Rodman is upset again. The Spurs made no mention that he had become the third player (after Wilt Chamberlain and Moses Malone) to win four rebounding titles in a row. Rodman’s friend, Haley, yelled at a Spur official for the omission. Rodman’s only comment came as he brushed by a TV reporter who asked for an interview: “I’ll wire it to you.” . . . Rodman still wants a contract extension, and the Spurs are braced for trouble. In the next-to-last regular-season game, Coach Bob Hill played Rodman for nine minutes, whereupon Dennis took off his shoes on the bench and draped a towel over his head. Said David Robinson, when asked what was wrong with Rodman: “Good question.” . . . NBA officials aren’t jumping for joy at Johnson’s Olympic candidacy. “We feel the 12 best players in America are in the NBA,” said Rod Thorn, an NBA vice president and senior member of the USA Basketball committee picking the team. “But this is a little bit different case. He has not played in the league since ’91 . . . but I would assume the committee would consider him.” . . . One MJ at most: Jordan, who had to be dragged to a second Olympics, says he will not (read his lips) play in a third. “Not me,” Jordan said. “I am happy for him (Johnson). If he chooses to do that, then great for him.” . . . Sam Perkins on the SuperSonics: “We’re a smarter team than we were last year, but that’s not saying much.”