If only the calories were make-believe:In a...

If only the calories were make-believe:

In a review of the movie, “Don’t Be a Menace,” the New York Times said it’s “set in an imaginary Los Angeles where the fast-food outlets are called Fatburger.”

Like Fatburger is an unusual name or something.

Obviously, the writer’s out of touch with our fine culinary tradition, points out Gary Schwartz of L.A., who sent us the clipping.

Not only does Fatburger (established 1950) have numerous outlets here, but it received the equivalent of a four-star rating a few years ago. Boxer George Foreman said it was his favorite hamburger.

CAL SOUTH, HERE I COME: In our continuing efforts to give you previews of the new millennium, we’ve come across Ron Goulart’s “Brainz, Inc.,” a sci-fi mystery set here in the great state of CalSouth in the year 2004.

As Tim Jacobus’ striking cover art indicates, traffic conditions are more perilous than ever on the Santa Monica Freeway, what with all those pilots throwing beer cans out of their skycars.

“Brainz, Inc.,” written in 1985, involves a woman who died when “the aircirc system” in her underground villa “went on the fritz and she suffocated.”

A private eye is hired to investigate the case by a close associate of the woman--a female android who has been implanted with a copy of the victim’s brain.

Then there’s the problem concerning Walt Disney Nuclear Power Inc., when a farmer is “atomized” by “an accident at Goofy Plant #3.”

(Note to the New York Times: There really is no Goofy Plant #3. At least not yet.)

HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOODLAND: Our reference to Bela Lugosi and the other folks who lived near the HOLLYWOODLAND sign (its original name) in the 1930s brought a letter from Philip Hughes, who remembers when the sign’s letters blinked on and off.

Once, when the Hughes family went on vacation, “we rented our home to Groucho Marx, who was just in from New York City to do a movie.”

Hughes’ maid, who stayed behind, later related Groucho’s “encounter (during a late cold June) with our furnace. Boom! Up the stairways flew Groucho in black face. A small gas leak. No lawsuit. (Those were the days). When we returned, the Marxes had replaced a broken crystal goblet and soup bowl with sets of 12. Great tenants.”

REJECTED TRIBUTE: A source involved in TriStar’s coming comedy, “High School High,” says the studio was contacted by the mayor of Washington, D.C., who objected to his name being used. We left a message with Marion Barry’s office but received no response about the movie’s invention of a Marion Barry High School.

A GUY’S GOTTA HAVE A PLACE TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL: When we saw the billboards that proclaim, “ ‘Savannah’--A New World from Aaron Spelling,” we figured Spelling was announcing the building of a new mansion to go with his 56,000-square-foot fixer-upper in Holmby Hills.

TALK LIKE A MAN, SOLDIER! While merger negotiations between El Segundo-based Mattel, mother of Barbie, and Hasbro, father of G.I. Joe, have only recently popped up in the news, the principals have been linked before.

You may recall that a group calling itself the Barbie Liberation Organization smuggled several Barbies and G.I. Joes into toy stores after switching their voice boxes. The result was that G.I. Joe chirped, “Want to go shopping?” And Barbie growled, “Dead men tell no tales.”

Come to think of it, we think we’ve heard Barbie speak that way to Ken in the past.

miscelLAny Bruce McNall, the bankrupt former Kings owner who is awaiting sentencing on a fraud conviction, once traveled in high society. Lately, he’s stepped down several notches. He’s now a regular at Clippers games.