Multicultural Manners

Indian-born Vandana has been living in the United States for 10 years. Suffering from severe depression, she visits Beth, a psychotherapist. Vandana reveals that 25 years ago she entered into an arranged marriage, but she has never loved or liked her husband.

When Beth asks Vandana if she would consider divorcing her husband, Vandana says, “Impossible.”

Why?

Although she is middle-aged, Vandana still feels obligated to please her parents before herself. Vandana must remain married because, despite the thousands of miles between her and her parents in Bombay, if she were to divorce her husband, her parents would be ostracized by their peers.

That a middle-aged woman is still accountable to her parents often surprises Americans because this culture highly values individual independence. However, India is not the the only place where parental obligation comes before personal happiness.

Consider Adela, a Filipina whose parents in Manila have requested that her sister Daisy move in with Adela and her family in San Francisco. Shortly after Daisy arrives, Adela discovers that her husband and Daisy are having an affair. When the social worker asks, “Why don’t you ask your sister to leave?” Adela refuses. In spite of the threat to her marriage, Adela says she cannot disappoint her parents by asking her sister to move.

Like Beth, the psychotherapist, social service agents and counselors are learning to set aside their own cultural assumptions when treating families from other cultures.