Hating the Feelings of Hate

EVA AREBALO, 15, attends Paso Robles High School.

Today I found an old paper and looked through it. I do things like that when I’m bored and alone, when my mom can’t make the cable payment. I don’t think that at age 15 many kids like to read the paper, mostly because it only has news about kids in trouble with gangs or drugs. I’m writing to let adults know that they are crowding us out of the world by only talking about the lost kids.

I believe that at one time all kids were just like me. But sometimes, when there’s no one around too often, we do things that are bad. Maybe if we were smarter and older we’d just hurt ourselves instead of hurting others.

Sometimes, I hurt a lot for reasons I can’t explain and no one knows just how much. No one knows how hard it is to get good grades, to get up early every morning, when even the smallest things can seem like the biggest thing in the world, like everyone in school is staring at you because you have to wear the same clothes over and over because that’s all your mom can afford to buy you. And when parents can’t stay together, we mostly must care for ourselves. It makes me wish I could take all the little innocent kids in my arms and warn them, “They’re gonna make you hate, but that doesn’t mean you’re like them, because older hate is much bigger, so just be quiet and wait until you get older, because it does you no good to cry.”

Sometimes, I skate at the local rink, sometimes I go to church camp or talk to boys, but most of the time I want another life like a lot of kids do. It’s not our fault that we must live in a certain neighborhood and go to the local school. It’s not our fault that there are drugs all over and so many kids don’t know how to hope for better things. But there are some kids like me who care and who even read the paper and are happy to see there’s some place for us where our voices can be heard. I hope some kids can read some of my words and know there are kids all over just like them, feeling and thinking the same every morning and every night before they go to sleep.