Column on Nonreturnable Tithe Was Read Religiously

In Wednesday’s column, a soon-to-be-evicted single mother of four wondered why her church couldn’t return the $1,800 in tithes she gave last year. Believing that tithes are to help the needy, she asked why the Yorba Linda Friends Church couldn’t return the amount she had given. It would help her move into an apartment, she said.

Instead, the church provided her with $350 in grocery coupons and enlisted volunteers to help move her furniture.

I wrote about it because I thought it was an interesting notion. The column got the phone lines and faxes jangling. . . .

“I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at your article on the woman who gave her tithe and then expected a full one-year refund when things got tough for her,” wrote Brian Peter Kordik of Yorba Linda. “I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of asking for a refund, but I wanted to cry at the black eye your article gave my Lord Jesus by treating her case seriously. When my wife was undergoing therapy for an animal attack, the Yorba Linda Friends Church Bible study group of which my wife and I are members held a collection and gave us $500 to help us get through. . . . If you succeed in getting this woman her money back, let me know. Vegas is holding a lot of my money and I just decided it was just a loan.”

Church member Theresa Stull had a similar reaction: “I not only tithe, but I donate to other charities and give clothing, money and time, and I would never go back two years later and ask them to refund my money,” she says. “It’s not a loan, it’s a gift. They [church leaders] never require you to give or ask you to give when you can’t. I just think it’s inappropriate [for the woman to make the request]. They can’t function if every gift is seen as a loan.”

Kim Thompson of Lake Forest had a slightly different take: “I belong to Lake Hills Community Church in Laguna Hills. I know the church is not a profit-making venture, so funds that come in are used that year to support the church. So I understand them saying they can’t refund money that may be already spent. But I just think she’d been a member of the church for so long, and they should have stepped up to help her. We’re there to help each other. I don’t know why, but in my heart I feel that asking for the money probably was a very difficult thing for her to do, since she had no problems giving when she could.”

Thea Fletcher, who lives in the Corona area where the subject of the column lives, volunteered to house the woman’s family temporarily. “I’ve never tithed,” she said. “I’ve never really been a religious person, but I’ve always felt I have a relationship with God. If the money [from tithing] is not for members of the church, what is it for? I don’t belong to a church, but at the same time have many friends who have tithed over years. I don’t think they’ve ever been in a position of need, so they never needed to ask. I don’t understand what is it they’re going to do with the money. I generally think churches have a lot of money.”

I asked Fletcher if she thought the tither’s request was outrageous. “No,” she said, “not for $1,800. That’s nothing. But it is a lot when you don’t have it and you’re in a divorce. In a situation like this, $1,800 is only going to get you in the door of an apartment.”

Steve Rolph of Santa Ana left this message: “I was sitting around about 9 o’clock, finally getting around to reading the paper, and I saw your article. I’m a born-again Christian, an evangelical, a fundamentalist--the kind of person the secular world loves to hate. But I want to thank you for printing your article about the woman who couldn’t get her tithe back. Churches are notorious for telling people to examine themselves before God, which I believe is a healthy thing, and they’re always telling you to look yourself in the mirror, and that’s a healthy thing. However, I think churches need to take a look in the mirror and see how they’re doing in regard to people they’re supposedly ministering to. I appreciate the fact you printed this, actually, because I think it’s sad what they’re doing to this lady.”

Less thankful for the column was a voicemail caller who said: “Is it possible you could focus on the more positive aspects of what goes on in the church? For every incident you describe in ink and paper, there are uncounted ones that are positive.”

As to my remark in the column that I had a “devilish interest” in how churches respond to biblical challenges, he said, “What would you know about it? Are you a believer? Do you understand what tithing is about? It’s just a little disappointing that you took that tack. I think you need to understand a little bit more about what you’re writing about, because you’re in a position to influence a lot of people. . . . I’m really curious, what did you do to help the lady in question? Are you going to let her move into your house? Are you going to feed and clothe her children? What are you going to do?”

And, finally, the thoughts from a man who insisted on anonymity but asked me to pass his phone number to the subject of the Wednesday column.

“It’s a crystal-clear issue to me, in that she gave when it was possible. Now it’s time for reciprocity,” he said. “If you can give and, clearly, she wasn’t independently wealthy when she tithed, and it was at some sacrifice that she did, for her now to think, “Where can I go for help?’ she could ask, ‘Where did I give help?’ ”

With that in mind, the man said he intends to give her the $1,800 as a gift. “When you give, you don’t expect something in return, but your hope is, should you need something in return, someone will be there to give to you,” he said. “It’s not only clear to me, I’m willing to act on it.”

Besides, he said, with a chuckle, “I’d rather be able to give it than need to get it.”

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.