Jailbreaks Are Not Part of the Deal

In Print magazine, writer/photographer Camilo Jose Vergara shares some of the unusual signs he has seen in L.A., including one that was directed toward residents with relatives or friends behind bars. The sign, on Imperial Boulevard, said: “J & M Travel--Prison Rides, $45. Round Trip . . . “

BALLOON THERAPY? Helen Playfair of Woodland Hills noticed an office that seems to use party items as part of its foot care program (see photo). Watch your step!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Believe it or not, you can find a place-setting for a restaurant in Fullerton that says, “Pay what you wish. Dine free unless delighted.”

The place-setting, however, is only part of a historical exhibit, “America’s Dining: California’s Role,” which will run through Oct. 26 at the Fullerton Museum. The dine-free option was offered by Clifton’s Cafeterias in downtown L.A. during the Depression.

For a more up-to-date price, the museum also displays a 1995 Chasen’s menu listing hamburgers at just $17.50 (no extra charge for ketchup).

BILL’S NOT GONNA LIKE THIS: A reader who signs his name Friar Tuck writes: “So, the Mars rover’s computer unexpectedly shut down and re-booted several times. . . . Scientists said they didn’t know what caused the problem. It just seems to be doing it for no apparent reason. My guess is Windows 95!”

FLOOR AND WALLS NOT INCLUDED: John McAfee of Glendora saw a notice in a weekly newspaper placed by someone who was selling a ceiling (well, you’ve heard of people setting a ceiling price, haven’t you?).

Val Butler of Long Beach, meanwhile, sent along another ad with the comment: “I wouldn’t have thought one could ‘train’ as a psychic.” Does make you, uh, think . . . (see accompanying ads).

MUGGED: I’m surprised by the continuing comments about the snapshot that now graces this column (see photo, if you dare).

One recent caller asked, “Who’s the guy trying to hide his bald spot?” Jerry Cowle of Pacific Palisades interpreted my hand position another way and sent a bottle of aspirins. Another reader left a message that said, “Who do you think you are--Jack Smith?”--then hung up.

But enough about the compliments.

Actually, the most comforting comment came from an acquaintance who said the photo doesn’t look like me. Anonymity can be useful in newspaper work. I learned this in college when I wrote a humorous article about the school marching band and was hanged in effigy by the angry musicians.

Chancing upon the gala event that day, I asked one of the demonstrators, “What’s going on?”

He pointed to the lettuce-head figure and said, “We’re hanging Steve Harvey.”

I said, “Oh, yeah, I know that guy--he’s a real jerk.” And I was able to cover my own execution with no interference.

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During a visit to a carwash, a colleague relates, “I told the teenage clerk that my Visa didn’t seem to be scanning, so he might have to manually run the card. He spit on it, wiped it with his T-shirt, spit and wiped again. It worked fine.” Our colleague adds: “I ordered a new card.”