It Gets More Odd With Every Game

A review of Week 5 in the NFL, and the Saints have it all over the Packers. At least they were able to beat the Lions.

This Week’s Quiz

If Ty Detmer and Ricky Watters had really duked it out, which would you have taken?

This Week’s Trend

Dallas gains only 180 yards in total offense--63 fewer yards than its opponent--yet wins by 24 points because its opponent is the Chicago Bears; Tampa Bay posts 147 yards in total offense--217 fewer than its opponent--yet wins because its opponent is Arizona; Oakland just has to show up to win, because its opponent is the Rams.

Luck, the Only Explanation

Green Bay has won three games.

Three Teams To Watch Closer

1, New York Jets--In commuting to work, instead of getting stuck in the Lincoln Tunnel, Bill Parcells walks across the Hudson River; 2, New England--The Patriots have had a week off to figure out why they have lost nine in a row to Denver and how to break the streak; 3, Baltimore--Art Modell’s team is making another move--down in the standings.

If the Planets Are Aligned

San Francisco is 7-1, or 6-2 at the worst when it plays host to Dallas on Nov. 2.

Notify Ripley’s

Keyshawn Johnson caught a touchdown pass for the Jets.

Helped Themselves the Most

Atlanta. The Falcons played hard against Denver, giving their fans reason to cheer a couple of times, but lost, and if they are ever going to win, they must continue to lose them all and get Peyton Manning.

Hurt Themselves the Most

Cincinnati. Bruce Coslet flunks his initial credibility exam. Coslet goes 6-0 at home, has everyone thinking the Bengals are a team on the rise, then flops against the team that fired him, the Jets, losing in Riverfront Stadium.

There’s Always Someone Worse

The Bears have to be asking themselves today, “Yeah, but who?”

As Sure as the Sun Comes Up

Atlanta quarterback Chris Chandler will get hurt. Three starts this season, and he has yet to finish a game.

No Chance

The Bengals never had a chance against the Jets, holding the ball for only 17 minutes 10 seconds, and as every football fan knows, you just can’t let Neil O’Donnell have the ball in his hands for 42:50 and hope to win.

Still Waiting

To see how the Cardinals kick away next week’s game.

How Bad Is it?

Eighteen games into their Oakland honeymoon, the Raiders drew an announced crowd of 42,506.

Big Fourth-Down Plays

Confronted with fourth and 16 at their own 31-yard line, the Buccaneers employed trickery, punter Tommy Barnhardt throwing a 25-yard pass to Tony Bouie, not only getting the first down but setting up Trent Dilfer’s eight-yard touchdown pass to Reidel Anthony moments later.

Then on fourth and six at the Arizona 31-yard line in the fourth quarter, Coach Tony Dungy kept his kicker on the bench and ordered Dilfer to throw to Karl Williams, who caught the ball and went 31 yards for the game-winning score. Great teams cannot be stopped.

Big Blunder

Jacksonville allowed Mark Brunell to come back before he was ready. Brunell’s strength is scrambling, making things happen on the run, but anchored in the pocket on only one good leg, he’s no Steve Matthews.

Goat of the Week

New York Giant quarterback Dave Brown, who threw two touchdown passes to beat the Saints, but then opened his mouth.

“[Mike Ditka’s] just another ex-Dallas assistant coach who thinks he knows it all,” said Brown, who cost another Dallas assistant coach, Dan Reeves, his job in New York with his repeated poor play. “[Ditka’s] like a lot of older coaches in the league now who aren’t winning any games--a bunch of know-it-alls. Look at their records. They think they know so much because of their past link to the game, but football has changed and they haven’t. They sit there and criticize me, but what have they done lately?”

Reeves is 0-5, but still figures to last longer than Brown.

The Week’s MVPs

Washington cornerbacks Cris Dishman and Darrell Green. The aggressive twosome kept the NFL’s highest-scoring team from scoring a touchdown and limited wide receiver Jimmy Smith, who had three consecutive 100-yard games, to four catches for 52 yards.

MVP Honorable Mention

Old man Marcus Allen, who scored twice for the Chiefs and hinted this will not be his last year, despite talk of his retiring.

“I don’t consider myself old,” said Allen. “I know everybody laughs at that, but I really don’t. My age and my body don’t match.”

Come on, Allen’s so old he can recall a time when the Raiders won more games than they lost.

News Flash

This just in, Atlanta is a seven-point pick to lose during the bye week.

Better Get a Roll of Quarters

After losing again, Saint wide receiver Randall Hill said, “I am extremely frustrated and I am extremely disappointed. I’m depressed, hurt and down. You know what, though? When I feel like this, I give Mom a call and that will make me feel better.”