MORNING BRIEFING : They May Play by the Geneva Convention Rules

Linda Robertson of the Miami Herald, commenting on what could be a heated (no pun intended) playoff series between the Miami Heat and New York Knicks starting today.

“If [Miami] and [New York] can’t control their Vesuvian tempers during their playoff rematch, then by Game 5, downtown Miami will look like downtown Pompeii.”

Said Heat Coach Pat Riley, “It’s a push-shove game, not a run-open game. And the Knicks are better at it than we are because they have hardened veterans who know how to deal with push-shove.”

And who taught the Knicks how to play push-shove? Why, Riley, their former coach.

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Trivia time: The NHL playoff record for goals in one game is five held by five players. Who was the first?

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Fan’s arsenal: Among the items confiscated from Utah Jazz superfan Richard Anderson last week after Minnesota Coach Flip Saunders complained Anderson was distracting the Timberwolves’ free-throw shooters:

A Jazz flag, a brightly colored oversized basketball, a megaphone, several masks of Karl Malone’s face and a rubber chicken.

Comment by Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle: “Did this guy haul a trunk to the game?”

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Diluted talent: Philadelphia 76er Coach Larry Brown, commenting on the young players in the NBA today:

“We have almost 400 players and probably 200 of them wouldn’t have played in [Larry] Bird’s era or Magic [Johnson]’s era. Too many coming in now aren’t prepared, but they don’t realize it.”

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Tribute: Phil Niekro, the former major league pitcher and general manager of the Colorado Silver Bullets, commenting on the women’s pro baseball team that was disbanded after it lost its sponsor:

“A lot of young ladies in this country want to play baseball. They really do. And they can play. And they deserve the opportunity. Gee, this is America.”

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Intercepting Internet: The IOC will put some restraints on the way the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, Australia, can be covered on the Internet. The use of live moving images will be banned to protect companies that have paid more than $1 billion for the TV rights to the Games.

Olympic Internet sites received 600 million hits during the Nagano Winter Games in February, up from fewer than 200 million during the Atlanta Olympics two years earlier.

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Eau de Tiger? If Unilever NV has its way, you could smell like Tiger Woods in two years.

The U.S. unit of the Dutch consumer-products giant has entered an agreement with the 1997 Masters champion that could lead to him endorsing personal-care products, which could include a fragrance, Woods’ management company said.

Brandweek reported that the deal was in the “$1.5-million ballpark.”

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And the loser is . . .: A sampling of Peter Vecsey’s version of NBA Oscars in the New York Post:

“J.R. Rider wins my Most Likely to Be Suspended During the First Round of the Playoffs Award.

“Latrell Sprewell wins my Most Improved Behavior Award During Next Season Award.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1997, Orlando tied an NBA playoff record by scoring only 64 points against Miami.

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Trivia answer: Newsy Lalonde of Montreal against Ottawa on March 1, 1919.

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And finally: Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune, on the possible retirement of Michael Jordan:

“There is no better basketball player than Jordan, no greater attraction in all of sports, no more compelling theater on any stage.

“How to say goodbye to Michael. They played ‘Nearer My God to Thee’ as the Titanic sank. The sheet music must be around somewhere.”