La Russa Sounds Just a Little Slap-Happy

A commissioner who can’t get his umpires to call letter-high strikes didn’t figure to take a tough stand on steroids, much less do anything to detract from Mark McGwire’s pursuit of Roger Maris’ record, the feel-good story baseball has been wanting. However, in the absence of evidence that androstenedione is safe, no one can be happy about the prospect of teenage boys heading for health food stores.

The Assn. of Professional Team Physicians, made up of doctors from professional teams, last week called for a ban on the use of androstenedione in sports.

Nevertheless, Cardinal Manager Tony La Russa is taking it as a personal attack rather than discussion of a legitimate issue. After an Associated Press reporter broke the story, La Russa talked of barring AP reporters everywhere from his clubhouse.

He settled for barring all newspaper photographers and TV camera crews, so they could take no more shots of McGwire’s locker.

“My philosophy is, if you slap me, I slap you back,” La Russa said. “And maybe they won’t slap me as often.”

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Game on: That Fox-Disney rivalry is taking the two conglomerates into some weird places. Try Disney’s recent decision to buy network rights to the NHL, doubling what Fox paid, even after ratings dropped 26% and losses hit $20 million.

Even hockey people are rubbing their eyes.

“With all the negative publicity that the league went through because of the playoffs and ratings,” said Florida Panther President Bill Torrey, “I think it’s great that someone out there knows there’s a big upside to hockey.”

On Madison Avenue, where advertising time must be sold, the skepticism is running deeper.

Said Ron Frederick, a media buyer at the J. Walter Thompson agency: “Maybe Disney knows something that we don’t know.”

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Trivia question: What Van Nuys High School classmate of Don Drysdale starred in a baseball movie?

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No one’s happy: The Fort Worth Star Telegram’s Randy Galloway isn’t sure how he’s supposed to play it any more, after Emmitt Smith charged the local media with “trying to run me out of town.”

Meanwhile, notes Galloway, the hockey Stars, “were publicly asking the media for more rip jobs on the team. No. 1, they wanted us to give hockey the same intense coverage of other local teams, plus, as Guy Carbonneau said, maybe a little motivational kick in the butt was needed.”

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Add misery: Pittsburgh Steeler nose tackle Joel Steed, on his new four-year, $16-million contract:

“If you think about the whole thing, it’s like the whole world is on your shoulders. It’s like a ton of bricks fell on you, even if the bricks are gold.”

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Trivia answer: Robert Redford, who played Roy Hobbs in “The Natural.”

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And finally: St. Louis Cardinal first baseman John Mabry, booed whenever he plays in place of McGwire: “I don’t blame the fans. They wanted to see Mark hit. It’s like paying to see Elvis and getting a garage band instead.”