Conspiracy Theories at the Box Office

Looking through some files, I made the eerie discovery that I wrote about a conspiracy against Bill Clinton long before wife Hillary made a similar accusation. On Feb. 13, 1996, this column declared that Southland movie marquees were “conspiring against Bill Clinton”--by arranging movie titles in such provocative combinations as WILD BILL/AMERICAN PRESIDENT and AMERICAN PRES/EXHALE.

Call me Newstradamus.

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FAMILY CRISIS: Berlin, one of several official sister cities of L.A., named a park there Los Angeles Platz. John Wilcock of Santa Barbara sent along a clipping from the London Times, which wrote that “the only feature in common with L.A. were the crack addicts clustered around the park benches.”

Eventually, the Germans restored order. “Guards with Alsatians patrolled the area, fences blocked every entrance,” the newspaper said. “New rules were pasted up: no dogs, no food to be consumed, no ball games, no unsupervised children, no treading on the grass, no skating.”

The newspaper concluded that L.A. Platz “is a bit tidier but dead.”

Speaking of family problems, L.A. hasn’t received a card in years from one of its oldest sister cities:

Tehran.

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ATTACK ON THE MOUSE? Chris Koreivo of Long Beach came upon a Web site for Disneyland that could have been written by someone unhappy with the latest increase in admission prices (see accompanying).

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LOVE DISCONNECTIONS: In honor of Valentine’s Day, L.A.’s Downtown News asked readers to recall some of their most hellish dates. Fasten your seat belts for these bumpy rides:

* Sherry Arcos wrote about meeting a whiny young man from the Netherlands for lunch at Disneyland where, at one point, “he embarrassed me by spitting orange juice out of his mouth and nostrils, screaming that he was ‘poisoned.’ ” Then he said he was too “scared” to board a roller-coaster ride and, instead, ditched Arcos. Later he wrote her demanding a refund for his admission price. (Another Disneyland critic!)

* Tamara Hunter went out to dinner with a guy who immediately asked, “What part of the chicken do you like?” Before she could answer, he leaned forward and whispered, “I like the breast.” Things only got worse.

* Cary Tobaben dressed as Darth Vader for a Halloween Party and found that his blind date, a tiny woman, had come as “Little Sprout of Jolly Green Giant fame.” She overimbibed and wound up on the front lawn, where she got sick. Tobaben then overheard a young trick-or-treater on the sidewalk remark, “Dad, Darth Vader is making Little Sprout sick.”

miscelLAny:

More than 20 readers have sent notes informing me that the cover of UCLA’s extension catalog contains a quote from a Marshall McLuhan book identified as “The Medium is the Massage.” All pointed out that McLuhan’s famous line was, “The medium is the message.”

Very true. But UCLA is correct. McLuhan gave his line a twist for the title of the book. My colleagues wouldn’t believe me when I mentioned this bit of trivia and I know you readers wouldn’t, either. So I went to Acres of Books and dug up a secondhand copy of the work (see accompanying).

It cost me 60 cents. And don’t think I’m not going to expense account it.