Gimme Shelter, He Begs in Vegas Confidential

Mick Jagger has found the perfect getaway for aging rockers such as himself. This quiet little village is “not a 24-hour-a-day town” like New York, the singer says in Las Vegas’ Showbiz magazine, and “there aren’t as many distractions” as the Big Apple in as much as everything “sort of closes early” in this hamlet.

Its name? Los Angeles.

Hey, New Orleans is the Big Easy. Maybe L.A. could market itself as the Big Sleepy.

HOW ABOUT A USED FREEWAY-SWEEPER, CHEAP? Patricia Vasquez points out that passersby in the South Bay could have been excused for thinking that Caltrans was holding a big garage sale (see photo). I wonder if they sold all of their spiffy orange vests.

WELL, IS IT A SERIOUS OFFER OR NOT? Alan Gilbert of L.A. wonders if a movie title used in a pay-per-view movie ad might raise doubts about the ad’s veracity in the minds of some (see accompanying).

QUICK BYTES: Well, the L.A. New Media Roundtable didn’t wait for the results of the Only in L.A. contest to find a nickname to celebrate the local high-tech industry. The mayor’s support group chose Digital Coast, which seems a bit square to me. Luckily, it’s not too late for the Roundtable to reconsider its dull choice and opt for one of these colorful finalists, all submitted by this column’s civic-minded readers:

The runners-up (with the prizes--plucked from Only in L.A.’s Cave of Wonders--in parentheses):

* Bytes, Beaches, Babes, submitted by Gary Bolen (who wins a sign that says, “Thank you for keeping your pet on a leash”)

* Digical, Mike Roeder (a T-shirt that says, “Everybody Knows the Best Nuts Come From California”)

* Tech’ll Me L.A., Ed Schlossman (the 1998 “Witches’ Almanac”)

* The User-Friendly Coast, Dennis Drissi (an Angelyne pin--your personal billboard!)

* Bitsburg, Craig Milo Rogers (a cosmetic surgeon’s T-shirt that says, “If Your Face Is Not Becoming to You . . . You Should Be Coming to Us!”)

* Techni-Cal, Helen Seid (the book, “The Night Before Christmas in California”)

* Wiredwood, Dave Nelson (Mark and Brian’s CD, “You Had to Be There!”)

* Siliwood, Ronan Higgins (the CD, “L.A. Confidential,” slightly used)

* Bytewatch, David Allen (a copy of “The Guide to Getting It On!--A New and Mostly Wonderful Book About Sex”)

AND THE WINNERS: Natalie and Jon Olson of Long Beach submitted an entry that they point out is “inordinately appropriate” for the Southland:

Hard Drive City! (I’ll wait for the applause to die down). The Olsons win Barnes and Barnes’ CD “Voobaha,” featuring such tender ballads as “Fish Heads,” “Cemetery Girls” and “Please Squeeze My Knees Louise.”

ONE LAST WORD: If the Roundtable ignores this column’s selections, its members should keep in mind that Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg made the same mistake. The trio chose DreamWorks for the name of their company and have since stumbled repeatedly--they can’t even get their studio built. Wouldn’t have happened if the moguls had adopted the name recommended by an Only in L.A contest: “More Money Than God, Inc.”

miscelLAny:

In the survey here of the all-time shortest celebrity marriages, I mentioned that actress Robin Givens and her latest hubby had broken up after one day. But the exact elapsed time wasn’t disclosed so it was unknown whether the pair had broken the 6-hour record of Rudolf Valentino and Jean Acker. Well, in a subsequent wire service interview, Givens’ ex-tennis instructor Svetozar Marinkovic said the two were splitsville after seven minutes. Well, squeeze my knees, Louise!