What’s Wrong With Capitals?

Until the Capitals went on a shark-feed frenzy by scoring four goals in the first period Monday night against St. Louis, they had been as cold as the snow that now coats the Appalachian Mountains.

And for the last two weeks the most commonly asked question around town was:

What the heck has gone wrong with the Capitals?

Going into Monday night’s game, the Caps were 1-5-4 in their previous 10 games. That’s correct: 1-5-4. (What’s the deal? Did Abe hire Rick Venturi and not tell anyone?)

By his own admission, the other day Coach Ron Wilson “launched a Scud” by saying the Caps needed more leadership from their veteran players. “We’re passengers in someone else’s car,” Wilson said. Uh-oh, what if it’s Thelma and Louise’s car?

In their previous seven games the Capitals had scored eight goals. Eight goals in seven games. Come on, D.C. United scores more than that. Until Andrew Brunette’s goal against St. Louis Monday night, the Capitals were working on an 0-for-22 schneid on the power play.

How did this happen?

The Capitals got out of the gate like Secretariat. They started 7-1, averaging 3.75 goals a game. Since then, they’ve been slogging along like Mr. Ed, averaging 2.36 goals a game. Wilson says he’s in favor of a wide-open offense, but these guys couldn’t put the puck in the water from the bow of the Titanic. “We might have to start playing to win 1-0 and 2-1,” Wilson said. “I’m bucking that right now, but I want to win games. We might have to change, to put fingers in a leaky ship here.”

What virus runs rampant in this city that attacks offense?

It started some years back with Georgetown. Then it spread to the Redskins. Now the Caps have it. (You know in Hong Kong, they’ve destroyed all the chickens to calm fears over a bird virus. Maybe the Capitals should burn all their sticks.) This obviously isn’t good for attendance, as there was nobody at MCI Center Monday night when the Caps played St. Louis. I mean, there were more people watching “Deconstructing Harry” than watching this game.

The Caps have been especially inert at MCI Center. While Les Boulez are 7-0 there, the Caps were 1-3-2 before Monday night’s game. It makes you wonder if the fast start at the beginning of the season was all done on adrenaline, and now that it has worn off the Caps are finding their true level. Maybe the team that finished last season 33-40-9 wasn’t so underachieving after all. On the other hand, you might remember how many “man-games” the Caps lost to injuries last season -- it was a team record, 361. This season isn’t quite halfway gone, and the Caps are on pace for 442.

Let’s hold that thought for a moment.

(For those of you wondering how long it’s going to take for me to veer away from hockey and slide into more familiar territory, you’re in luck. Here’s my recap of last weekend’s NFL games: In what must have come as a shock to Mike Patrick and Joe Theismann, the Minnesota Vikings scored 82 points in the final 35 seconds, to beat the Giants and save Dennis Green’s job that Theismann and Patrick had definitively given away in the middle of the fourth quarter. The Denver Broncos had six backs, including Floyd Little, each rush for 200 yards as they beat Jacksonville. Tampa Bay confused Detroit by putting 14 defenders on Barry Sanders and daring Scott Mitchell to complete two passes in a row. Of course, he couldn’t. Frank Reich came in when Mitchell suffered a concussion, and was doing well until he ran afoul of the strange new rule by which each team only gets four downs; apparently Reich thought each team still got five downs, like they did in the 12th century. In the weekend’s worst game, Jimmy Johnson again coached like Vince Lombardi, but tragically the very players that he selected for his team let him down. After the game Johnson blamed everyone in Miami for the loss, except himself, and commented angrily how the Patriots’ players were laughing at Miami’s players, and knew all of Miami’s audible calls. Far be it from me to criticize the incomparable Jimmy Johnson, but golly, Jimmy, if you saw that New England recognized all your signals, why didn’t you call time and change them? They do it in baseball 10 times a game. And if you don’t think Dan Marino’s any good anymore, put in somebody else. Whattsa matter, you don’t want to take the heat if that move doesn’t work? That’s it for the NFL. Let me mention my two favorite bowl games: The Insight.com Bowl, which, sadly, I couldn’t access online because my server and my mouse were incompatible, and the Humanitarian Bowl, in which both teams cooked soup for each other.)

Now let’s get back to where we left the Caps, tied to the railroad tracks. First of all, nobody on this team is panicking yet, particularly the veterans. They all believe this loss of cabin pressure is temporary, and they will make the playoffs comfortably. “It’s not even a close call,” said Adam Oates (13th NHL season).

But a couple of the veterans, Mark Tinordi (11th season) and Craig Berube (11th season), believe the team has to get tougher. “Early in the season we got these pretty goals that came easy,” Tinordi said. “We kind of forgot how to score the tough goals. We’re playing teams that give us the outside of the rink, and that’s where we’re staying. We haven’t worked hard enough to get in the traffic area around the net where you get the dirty goals. We need more willingness to get to the net and get hit in the face, and score some goals.”

Although that sounds like Tinordi is calling for more physical toughness, Berube says it’s really about mental toughness. “Everybody can do it physically,” Berube said. “It’s making the commitment mentally. We’ve got to get our noses dirty. Get in front of the net, take a pounding and get the dirty goals. It’s like a golf swing. You have to get your muscles used to it. You go to the net, you stop -- and boom! -- you take a hit and put the puck in the net.” Berube, who’s one of the toughest guys in the NHL, shrugged at the rough simplicity of it all. “The longer the season goes, the tougher the league gets, the harder it is to score the easy goals,” he said. “You’ve got to get the dirty goals.”

At this point the Capitals would settle for any kind of goal at all.