Punch Lines
Exhaust Pipes: Whitewater special prosecutor Kenneth Starr is under fire for working on an appeal for Meineke Muffler Corp. for which he’ll get a million dollars. “Starr is using what he’s learned dealing with the White House. Who knows more about mufflers than Clinton’s spin doctors?” (Bob Mills)
It’s Not a Small World: A woman wrongly accused of shoplifting a doll at Disneyland won a $65,000 settlement. “When asked, ‘Now what are you going to do?,’ she replied, ‘I’m going to Magic Mountain.’ ” (Joe Kevany)
Deep in the Heart of Taxes: The Senate Finance Committee continues its hearings about abuses by the IRS against taxpayers. “Al Gore gave testimony of how IRS officials brainwashed him into believing that donating $353 to charity was part of the greening of America.” (Joshua Sostrin)
That Really Bytes: Bill Gates said Microsoft is working on a computer system with the ability to recognize and understand human conversation. “So far, unfortunately, the only thing the computer will say to Gates is: ‘Hey nerd face, how would you like a cyber wedgie?’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)
That Sinking Feeling: “Titanic” director James Cameron’s marriage to Linda Hamilton has reportedly struck an iceberg. Friends say the community property will be divided equally. “He gets the ‘Titanic’ replica and she gets Leonardo DiCaprio.” (Bob Mills)
Driving Miss Rimes: “LeAnn Rimes has sold $150 million in albums, won two Grammys and starred in a TV movie, all by the age of 15. But that’s not enough. She wants to drive.” (Argus Hamilton)
Update to Our Oxymoron List: “Act naturally, found missing, airline food, resident alien, congressional ethics, sanitary landfill and taped live.” (LaLa Land Letter)
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From the Someday We’ll Be Together Department:
* Peter Noone of Herman’s Hermits, Davy Jones of the Monkees and Bobby Sherman of TV’s “Shindig” are putting a “Teen Idol” tour together. “Perhaps they can call it ‘Geezerpalooza?’ ” (Mark Wheeler)
* Boy George and Culture Club will reunite for a huge summer tour. “Organizers had hoped to get Wham! on the bill, but George Michael declined since he prefers to work solo in front of small audiences.” (T.C. Cirillo)
* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
