Laugh Lines

Movie Watch: The new Jerry Springer movie, “Ringmaster,” opened this weekend. “Just in time to be the biggest turkey of the holiday season.” (Earl Hochman)

Meanwhile, on TV: The Nielsen TV ratings this fall reveal historically low viewer totals for the three major networks. “ABC has had to cancel 10 shows. The networks tested more bombs than India and Pakistan combined.” (Argus Hamilton)

Speaking of the Boob Tube: ABC has announced that Monica Lewinsky has agreed to be interviewed in January. She reportedly has agreed to tell all to Barbara Walters. “Do you think Linda Tripp will tape it?” (Hamilton)

Speaking of Monica: Georgia’s Supreme Court has overturned the state’s anti-sodomy law. “In related news, Atlanta has been added to Monica Lewinsky’s upcoming book tour.” (Premiere Radio)

Ging-Rich: The Washington Speakers Bureau has announced that it has signed former House Speaker Newt Gingrich as a client on the lecture circuit. His fee will be $50,000. “His subject is free speech.” (Hamilton)

Nostalgia: The U.S. crime rate is the lowest it’s been since 1974. “Finally. Something from the ‘70s that we’re glad to see back.” (Premiere)

And Speaking of the Crime Rate: “Know what’s amazing? Since President Clinton has been in office, the crime rate has gone down everywhere expect the Oval Office.” (Jay Leno)

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