Cardinals, Eagles, Falcons Nowhere to Be Found Here

The Dallas Morning News helpfully provided a Field Guide to Cowboy fans--nine categories, or species, if you will.

A sampling from the Dallas habitat:

“Early Bird Tailgaters: This species is best observed in the stadium parking lot three hours before game time. Highly sociable. Tailgaters usually cluster near food and members of the opposite sex. Loyal customers of Troy Aikman’s car dealership.”

“Common Screech Owl: A self-described ‘ultimate obnoxious fan,’ the Screech Owl is distinguished by his volubility and size. He is related to the Early Bird Tailgater, but his mouth is bigger. . . . A close cousin to the Bare-Bellied Beer Burper.”

“Face-Painted Peacock: This species comes in many different sizes and varieties, often seen wearing Cowboy jerseys and sporting silver-dyed hair. Known by its display of blue and silver patterns and stars on its face. Often seen waving banners and arguing with species brandishing colors of opponents.”

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Trivia time: Name the three Super Bowl champions to open the next season with at least six victories.

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Missing Moscow: Sprinters Maurice Greene, Jon Drummond, Ato Boldon and Michael Johnson took notice of the economic crisis in Russia and decided to skip the cash-laden Grand Prix meet in Moscow in September.

“There are two issues at stake,” Drummond told Track & Field News. “We feel it is an insult to go there for a meeting with millions of dollars of prize money. It’s like we are waving the cash in front of their faces without having had an effect on their lives. There’s a fear that could lead to problems with our safety.”

Russian miler Svetlana Masterkova dismissed the concerns of the American stars, saying they watched “too much CNN.”

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Agony, ecstasy: New Zealand Olympic decathlete Simon Poelman gave new meaning to the battery commercial featuring the “Energizer Bunny.”

Poelman was found guilty by a jury in New Zealand of importing 1,990 tablets of a drug known as ecstasy, with a street value of about $100,000. Authorities said he hid the tablets in a toy rabbit from Antwerp, Belgium.

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Ball 70: When Philip Ozersky, a DNA research scientist, came up with the ball, the Mark McGwire record-setting 70th home run baseball, he certainly did not think he would need legal help.

“My 15 minutes of fame is lasting a little longer than 15 minutes,” he told the Miami Herald. “I thought I could handle it, but then people started asking me about millions of dollars of insurance for the ball, and when I heard the words ‘million dollars,’ I knew I was out of my league and needed legal help.”

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Trivia answer: The 1986 Chicago Bears (six wins), 1990 San Francisco 49ers (11) and 1998 Denver Broncos (six).

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And finally: Soccer player Eyal Berkovic of West Ham in London, after being kicked in the face at practice by teammate John Hartson: “If my head was a ball it would have been [kicked into] the top corner of the net.”