Couples Neatly Paired Off in Nonsensical ‘Friends & Lovers’

George Hass’ “Friends & Lovers,” a would-be romantic comedy, is inept in every aspect. In this trite, tasteless nonsense, a rich widower, Richard (David Rasche), invites his estranged son, Ian (George Newbern), and his L.A. pals to spend Christmas with him at his luxurious Park City chalet, where they will be neatly, if mechanically, paired off by the time the film is over.

All arrive on time, except for Ian, who complains that his workaholic father never had time for him. In any event, when he gets there he finds himself attracted to the sister (Suzanne Cryer), pregnant and single, of his best friend, Keaton (Neill Barry). Keaton and an old friend Lisa (Alison Eastwood) suddenly discover each other. When another pal, David (Danny Nucci), admits he’s a virgin, his friends conclude that he’s gay and insist he pick up a handsome stranger (Leon).

Jon (Stephen Baldwin) arrives, expecting to score with Carla (Claudia Schiffer), a member of his group, but she’s responding to the energetic advances of a local ski instructor (Robert Downey Jr.), who seems to impress her with his florid phony German accent. (Curiously, Schiffer is concentrating on eradicating any trace of her authentic German accent.) Meanwhile, Richard not only wants to make peace with Ian but also tell him that he’s engaged to marry his secretary (Ann Magnuson), who’s soon on her way to the chalet as well.

You would never know from this stale contrivance that Downey and Magnuson are performers of exceptional talent or that Nucci and Leon have done impressive work elsewhere. Eastwood manages to retain her poise; the circumstances are too dire to tell whether or not supermodel Schiffer can act; and Newbern, Barry and Rasche are negligible.

Baldwin, playing a clod, and Cryer, cast as a garrulous know-it-all, are as lousy as their material. “Friends & Lovers” may have been shot largely in the Park City area, but you can be pretty sure that this loser could never make it to Sundance.

* Unrated. Times guidelines: Language, some fairly explicit sex, and, nudity.

‘Friends & Lovers’

Stephen Baldwin: Jon

Robert Downey Jr.: “Hans”

George Newbern: Ian

Danny Nucci: David

A Lions Gate Films release of a Laguna Entertainment production. Director George Haas. Producer Josi W. Konski. Executive producer Gregory Cascante. Screenplay by Haas; from a story by Neill Barry and Haas. Cinematographer Carlos Montaner. Editor Barry Leirer. Music Emilio Lauderer. Costumes Diane Kranz. Production designer Ren Blanco. Running time: 1 hour, 42 minutes.