Maybe He’s Working on a Nuclear Flower Plant

When last I heard from reference librarian Joshua Cloner, he was telling me of the ninth-grader who requested a book about that great American, “Howard Eisen.” Turns out the young man was referring to Eisenhower, Dwight D.

This time, a seventh-grader in the East Los Angeles Library asked for the atomic weight of “geranium.” Well, spring is here.

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L.A.’S UPS AND DOWNS: L.A. has long been ground zero when it comes to doomsday predictions, and not just because so many people are exposed to geraniums.

Just the other day, a clothing chain advertised a “Tsunami Sale,” showing the downtown Library Tower (the former First Interstate World Center) about to go skyscraper-surfing with other buildings. (That would be an even bigger disaster for the Library Tower than when First Interstate became defunct.)

Joe Gardner of L.A. noticed a license plate that fit this theme. And Paula Van Gelder of L.A. snapped a sign that took a party hardy approach to doomsday. (see accompanying).

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SPEAKING OF TSUNAMIS: The above clothing ad appeared just before an article in the Long Beach Press-Telegram spoke of the possibility of an earthquake triggering a five-story-high wave. One geologist said, “It could go all the way to Downey . . . although that’s not very likely.”

(Let’s not panic yet, Lakewood.)

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WELCOME TO THE CIRCUS: I groused a while back that Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations pretty much ignores L.A. Not so the American Heritage Dictionary of American Quotations, which focuses on L.A. with a vengeance. For instance:

* “Thought is barred in this City of Dreadful Joy, and conversation is unknown” (author Aldous Huxley).

* “A circus without a tent” (author Carey McWilliams).

* “It’s a shame to take this country away from the rattlesnakes” (director D.W. Griffith).

* “It’s a scientific fact that for every year you live in California, you lose two points off your IQ It’s redundant to die in L.A.” (playwright Jay Presson Allen in “Tru,” based on the life of Truman Capote).

And, finally, that tsunami thing again:

* “Nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean wouldn’t cure” (author Ross MacDonald).

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COMMUTERS’ GRAND PRIX: I’ve always wondered why Long Beach takes its time dismantling the grand prix race course every year. Then it occurred to me: The city wants to give the average motorist a taste of the excitement of navigating a racetrack.

Driving to work Thursday on Shoreline Drive--one of the boulevards used for the race 12 days ago--I maneuvered around overturned orange cones, scattered sawhorses and barriers of stacked tires.

At one point, my lane simply disappeared behind a temporary concrete abutment. Around another curve I found myself in the path of a huge truck that was hauling something away.

As I neared the end of Shoreline--I had done it!--I could almost imagine the cheers of the spectators. But, of course, there were no spectators. Only the empty, still-standing bleacher sections.

miscelLAny:

Director D.W. Griffith’s crack that it’s a “shame to take this country away from the rattlesnakes” is said to have occurred while he was shooting a movie early this century in Chatsworth.