Your Money : MONEY TALK / LIZ PULLIAM : Family Feud: Mom Doesn’t Have a Will, and Her Things Could Go a Lot of Ways

Q: My husband and his siblings are already fighting about their inheritance, and their mother isn’t even dead yet--far from it. But she’s promised various heirlooms to more than one person and let it slip that she plans to divide her money according to the neediness of her children. We feel we’re being punished for being successful and careful with our money, while my husband’s brother, who lives on credit cards and floats from job to job, is going to be rewarded. What can we do to change her mind?

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A: Not a thing. You need to change your mind about what you do and don’t deserve.

Your mother-in-law can do anything she likes with her money and her possessions. Some parents divide their estates equally, others based on need; some use money to reward or punish their children for the life choices they’ve made. A few decide “the heck with all of you” and leave it to charity; more than a few decide not to deal with estate planning at all and let state law determine who gets what after they’re gone. It’s up to the parent, not to you, and any sense of entitlement you have will only cause you unnecessary pain about a process over which you have no real control.

If it makes you feel any better, your money skills and success mean you will probably have more than enough to get you through the rest of your life, even without an inheritance, while your brother-in-law is likely to blow the money as he’s blown everything else.

Instead of fostering more resentment, you could be a force in reducing family squabbling by encouraging your mother-in-law to come to some decisions about who gets which heirlooms. Consider discussing this first with the siblings and approaching her together, rather than taking it on yourself to broach the issue (and perhaps raise suspicions and resentment among other family members). She could detail this information in her will, make a handwritten list or even affix labels to the items in question with the intended beneficiaries’ names on them. As a family, you can emphasize that you only want to reduce the possibility of hurt feelings or disagreements after she goes.

She might resist this, of course. It’s one thing to promise a bauble in a moment of generosity--”Of course I want you to have it, darling!”--and another to formalize these wishes. More than a few superstitious people believe that even thinking about wills and bequests could bring on the Grim Reaper. Others don’t want to give their heirs a sense of ownership. All you can do is raise the issue.

When she does die, you will still have one another. Wouldn’t you rather cement your relationships with one another than risk losing that bond through fighting?

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Q: I was disappointed in your response to the heir with the $30,000 ring. I have one of those. When you try to sell, you do not end up with a down payment on a house--you’re lucky to get one-third of the appraised value. If you know how to get more, I’d sell. Otherwise, I can afford to be sentimental.

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A: Several other readers wrote to rain on the poor woman’s parade, pointing out that an item’s appraised value is often far more than a dealer would be willing to pay.

True enough. But the point, people, was that it’s often not an easy decision to sell an heirloom, whatever its market price. Financially, she would probably be better off selling the jewel and investing the money or buying a home. Whether or not she would be happier emotionally depends on how she’s wired.

The ring could still fetch a down payment, by the way. Remember that mortgage financing behemoths Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac sponsor mortgages that require down payments of as little as 3%, meaning our reader could use her ring to get a $330,000 house. People who want to avoid the private mortgage insurance that comes with most low-down-payment loans can set up “piggyback,” “80-10-10” or “80-15-5” loans.

These loans involve taking out a first mortgage loan for 80% of the home’s price and a home equity loan or line of credit for 10% to 15%, with the remainder being the borrower’s down payment. Under those scenarios, the little sparkler could help pay for a $200,000 house.

Earn 9.25% on a CD? Yeah, Right Q: I recently saw a newspaper ad touting certificates of deposit with a rate of 7.5%. I have since talked to a gentleman at the company who says he can now get me 9.25% and that the CDs are FDIC-insured. Is this too good to be true?

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A: Of course it is.

Most newspapers, including this one, run lists of the top CD rates paid by banks around the country. Currently the best rate for a five-year CD is less than 7%. Brokerages can sometimes offer slightly higher rates, but I would stick with the big, nationally known companies. Regulators have accused some of the smaller, fly-by-night outfits of running Ponzi schemes with brokered CDs.

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Liz Pulliam is a personal finance writer for The Times and a graduate of the certified financial planner training program at UC Irvine. She will answer questions submitted--or inspired--by readers on a variety of financial issues in this column. She regrets that she cannot respond personally to queries. Questions can be sent to her at liz.pulliam@latimes.com or mailed to her in care of Money Talk, Business Section, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053. For past Money Talk questions and answers, visit The Times’ Web site at http://161.35.110.226/moneytalk.