THE INSIDE TRACK : Morning Briefing : You Have to Wonder What This Player Has Up His Sleeve

It’s a pity Dave Barry isn’t seeking employment as a soccer writer somewhere in the U.S. If he did, the sport might actually catch on here.

In a column for the Knight Ridder News Service earlier this summer, the humorist recalled a sporting--or perhaps not-so-sporting--incident that had caught his attention.

“Last year in Brazil,” Barry wrote, “there was a soccer match between two archrival teams, one of which is nicknamed ‘the Rabbits.’ The other team scored a goal, and the guy who scored it celebrated by reaching into his shorts, pulling out a carrot, and eating it. He had a carrot in his shorts the whole time! Talk about team spirit!”

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Trivia time: In golfing parlance, which club is known as a spoon?

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Premonition: Anyone remember what San Diego Charger owner Alex Spanos asked quarterback Ryan Leaf on draft day in 1998?

“You’re not going to be a problem, are you?”

Mike Castro of the Associated Press quickly put that in perspective when he wrote, “To label Leaf a disappointment would be the equivalent of calling the Hindenburg crash a mishap.”

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No waffling: Canadian Formula One driver Jacques Villeneuve apparently has a gift for understatement.

After a high-speed crash in Belgium, Villeneuve commented, “As soon as I hit the brakes, the front suspension pulled off the car. There’s not much you can do when that happens.”

Get out and push, maybe?

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Outta here: While coining a few new words, Sports Illustrated’s Steve Rushin came up with this one:

“Samnesia, n.: Short-term memory loss among sports directors and editors, who temporarily forget the existence of all stories save the Sammy Sosa-Mark McGwire home run race, which thus leads every sportscast and sports section, regardless of the day’s other events.”

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Numbers game: When Brett Hull was traded to the Dallas Stars, he had to give up the No. 16 that he had worn throughout his career, taking No. 22 instead.

Now that the Stars appear unlikely to sign Pat Verbeek, Hull can get his old number back. He can’t wait.

“I’ll tell you this,” he said. “I never have liked 22. It just doesn’t look right.”

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Dad knows best: Buck Showalter, the Arizona Diamondback manager, has been described as being so tightly wound that some day he might explode. Not so, he says.

“I’ve heard that before,” he told Michael Martinez of the San Jose Mercury News. “My dad used to tell me, ‘To those who know you, no explanation is necessary. To those who don’t, none is possible.”’

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Standing tall: A bronze statue honoring Louisville native and baseball Hall of Famer Pee Wee Reese, who died two weeks ago at 81, will be erected at the city’s new baseball stadium, Louisville Slugger Field.

It will depict Reese in his Brooklyn Dodger uniform, throwing a ball. And, like its subject, it will be larger than life.

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In fine voice: Count on the Dallas Morning News’ Blackie Sherrod to hit the right pitch. Or pitching wedge.

“While golf tour mercenaries draw raps for wanting part of Ryder Cup windfall, you may wonder at spending splurges of Ryder brass,” Sherrod wrote. “Golf World reports that someone named Celine Dion will be paid $250,000 for 18 minutes of singing at a Ryder black-tie affair.”

Singing fore her supper, perhaps.

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Trivia answer: The three-wood.

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And finally: Said Philadelphia Phillie third baseman Scott Rolen, after striking out five times against the San Diego Padres:

“I’ve always prided myself on not striking out four times in a game. And I still haven’t.”