Acting Wasn’t His Strong Suit

There’s much to remind you of “On the Waterfront” in the episode of “The Streets of San Francisco” (Monday at 5 p.m. on KDOC Channel 56) that guest-stars Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Karl Malden, a guy on the right side in “Streets,” is a guy on the right side in “Waterfront.” Schwarzenegger’s a dockworker who coulda been a contender (as a bodybuilder, though, not a boxer). And when the cops are ready to take Schwarzenegger away, he tells his companion, as Brando-as-a-European-immigrant-who-couldn’t-act might have: “You saw at the contest . . . how good I was. I could have been a winner.”

In 1977, especially, Schwarzenegger was no Brando, acting-wise, but he definitely had the better body. That body comes in handy to portray Josef Schmidt, a nice but hypersensitive strongman who loses control when he’s laughed at. Unfortunately for Joe, he’s got mega-muscles at a time when the United States isn’t real comfortable with bodybuilding. That means lots of giggles--and a growing list of victims.

Joe doesn’t intend to kill his latest victim. It’s just that she laughs in the wrong places, so he shakes her a little--the way Lennie in “Of Mice and Men” might handle a puppy that’s chewed up his slippers. When he finds out she’s dead, he goes to turn himself in but backs out when he flashbacks to the time he was locked up for injuring a prostitute who laughed at his physique.

Chances are, you’ll be laughing too--at Schwarzenegger’s acting, especially during those tantrums, when he’s yelling and throwing furniture. (For an intentionally funny episode on bodybuilding, take a look at “The Beverly Hillbillies,” circa 1967, featuring former Mr. Universe Dave Draper, on Friday at 5:30 a.m. on TBS.)

On the other hand, Diana Muldaur, who plays Judith Winters, the woman who’s about to be his next victim, should have won an Emmy for keeping a straight face. She’s a wealthy art student who’s got the hots for Joe and shares his belief that he’s an artist whose body is his sculpture.

She talks him into entering the Mr. San Francisco contest (among those competing are Robby Robinson, Ed Corney and Franco Columbu, the former Mr. Universe who would be Schwarzenegger’s best man when he wed Maria Shriver in 1986). Joe comes in second place but mistakenly thinks Judith had been laughing at him during the competition. He loses his temper again, but Lt. Mike Stone (Malden) and Inspector Dan Robbins (Richard Hatch, who replaced Michael Douglas in the series in 1976) get there before anyone gets killed.

The year that this “Streets of San Francisco” episode, called “Dead Lift,” came out was a big one for Schwarzenegger. He met Shriver, was featured in the documentary “Pumping Iron” and got a Golden Globe for best newcomer.

Details, Details: What novel’s characters inspired “The Streets of San Francisco”? Answer below.

Set Your VCR

* If the Elvis impersonator in the “Sophia’s Wedding” episode of “The Golden Girls” (Feb. 11 at 5 p.m. on Lifetime) looks more like Quentin Tarantino, it’s because it is Quentin Tarantino. (Well, he had to make a living before “Pulp Fiction.”) It’s from 1988. (If you miss that airing, you can see his clip in an hourlong “Golden Girls” compilation episode Feb. 23 at 11:30 p.m. on Lifetime.)

* You get another chance to see “Our Family Honor,” a short-lived nighttime soap about two families on opposite sides of the law. The series, which ran from September ’85 to January ‘86, starts on TNT with the pilot (Feb. 22 at 9 a.m.). Ray Liotta, who plays Officer Ed Santini in the show, already had soap experience; he had been in “Another World” from 1978 to ’81.

* Ralph, as usual, has grand plans on “The Honeymooners” (Feb. 11 at 8:30 p.M. on WGN). But this time he’s planning to do it on TV, on “The $99,000 Answer,” a classic episode.

* Oscar and Felix go to a monastery for some inner peace in “The Odd Couple” (today at 11:30 a.m. on Comedy Central). But, as you’d expect, they can’t even achieve outer peace. In a priceless scene, they try to force each other to break their promise of silence.

* Though grizzled Nick Nolte could never be confused with clean-cut Dean Jones or Tommy Kirk, he starred in some Disney television--six years before his film debut in the very un-Disney “Return to Macon County.” “Feather Farm,” on “Walt Disney Presents” (Feb. 21 at 9 p.m. on the Disney Channel), about adventures on an ostrich ranch, is from 1969.

Ann Jillian started at Disney even earlier. That’s her--at age 10--as Bo Peep in “Backstage Party” on “Walt Disney Presents” (Feb. 23 at 11 p.m. on the Disney Channel). It was a Disney Studio celebration of the completion of the 1961 movie “Babes in Toyland,” in which Jillian began her Hollywood career.

* Laurence Fishburne (nine years after he started on “One Life to Live”) makes an appearance on “MASH.” That episode (Feb. 13 at 5 p.m. on FX), about the doctors suspecting racial prejudice in a unit, is from 1982. And watch for singer-songwriter Loudon Wainwright III in a 1974 episode (Feb. 13 at 2 p.m. and Feb. 14 at 7 a.m.).

* Jennifer Jason Leigh, daughter of Vic Morrow, plays a woman who follows Jim-Bob home on furlough on a “Waltons” (Monday at 1 and 7 p.m. on TNN) that aired in 1981, a year before her movie “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”

* A lovely lady with three very lovely girls weds a man who’s busy with three boys of his own, on the first “Brady Bunch” (Feb. 14 at 9 p.m. on Nickelodeon). Other firsts: “Full House” (Feb. 26 at 2:05 p.m. on TBS), “In the Heat of the Night” (Sunday at noon on TNT), “Newhart,” (Feb. 26 at 2:30 a.m. on Nickelodeon), “Adam 12” (Monday at 3 and 9 p.m. on TV Land), “Petticoat Junction” (Feb. 21 at 6:30 a.m. on TV Land) and “Taxi” (Feb. 18 at 2 a.m. on Nickelodeon).

* Jodie Foster is the title character of a visually and philosophically interesting 1973 “Kung Fu” episode, “Alethea” (Feb. 12 at 2 p.m. on TNT). A confused young girl could get Caine executed. John Badham (whose sister was Scout in “To Kill a Mockingbird”) directs.

* Lou Rawls is totally believable as a very smooth, very cool bronc rider--who also sings a little--in a “Big Valley” (Feb. 28 at 4 p.m. on KPXN Channel 30) from 30 years ago.

Isn’t It Romantic?

Valentine’s Day episodes include these love stories: Laura’s smitten by Johnny Johnson, but he’s taken with Mary, on “Little House on the Prairie” (9:30 a.m. on KTLA Channel 5). Kevin and Winnie share their first kiss on “The Wonder Years” (9:30 p.m. on Nickelodeon), and Joanie finally takes Chachi seriously on “Happy Days” (10 p.m. on Nickelodeon).

Answer to the trivia question: “Poor, Poor Ophelia,” by Carolyn Weston.

Stations provide airing times and episode schedules, which are subject to change.