It Is So Time to Prune the Language

Illegal Phrasing Department: The 1st Amendment should not apply to the following phrases, which have fallen into widespread overuse, according to Lake Superior University’s annual list of words that should be banished from the English language. The conclusions:

* KO the use of “Y2K” to identify the year 2000. Do we need to abbrev. everything?

* No more “You the man.”

* And no more attaching the suffix “gate” to political scandals (File-gate, Monica-gate, Zipper-gate, Overuse-gate).

* Ban “SUV” as a replacement for sport-utility vehicle. America is drowning in acronym soup.

* Quit using “dialogue” as a verb.

* Eliminate “so.” As in, “We are so not into dialoguing with SUV drivers who say ‘You da man!’ ”

Ties That Bind Bureau: Viagra, the most hyped drug since penicillin, now comes in necktie form. According to the Baltimore Sun, Nicole Miller has created Viagra neckwear featuring a black background festooned with yellow bananas and blue pills. One drawback: An hour after you put on the tie, it pops up unexpectedly.

Why Shrinks Shouldn’t Read Comic Books: Popeye’s upcoming marriage to Olive Oyl is doomed, says Los Angeles therapist Kathleen Mojas, who believes the spinach-eating sailor man’s constant muscle-flexing proves he is a self-obsessed narcissist who won’t be able to give codependent Olive true emotional intimacy.

Quote of the Day: From our new “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey” calendar: “I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”

Party Like It’s 1999 Bureau: When you’re finished observing Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, you might want to celebrate these other important January events: National Toga Day, National Door-to-Door Salespeople Day, National Hold Onto Your Head Day, National Bath Safety Month, National Reaching Your Potential Month (step No. 1: Avoid bath accidents), National Hot Tea Month, Oatmeal Month, National Smith Day (we still can’t believe there isn’t a National Rivenburg Day), National Compliment Day, National Fat-Free Living Month, National Reminiscence Month (actually, last year’s National Reminiscence Month was much better), National What You Don’t Know Day (we could explain this one further, but you’re probably better off not knowing), National Clean Off Your Desk Day and National Pad Your Column With a List of Odd Holidays So You Can Go Home Early Day.

Alarming Anniversaries: On this date 24 years ago, Barry Manilow’s “Mandy” was the No. 1 song.

Technical Problems: The Fry’s Electronics sign in Anaheim doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in the merchandise inside: At night, the only part that lights up is “y Electronics.”

Best Supermarket Tabloid Headline: “Snoring Can Make You Stupid!” (Weekly World News)

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Roy Rivenburg’s e-mail address is roy.rivenburg@latimes.com. Unpaid Informants: Wireless Flash News Service, Valerie Marz, “Chase’s 1999 Calendar of Events,” Buzz Report. Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and every National Toga Day.