The Confident Allure of Women of a Certain Age

There seems to be a notion that women over 45 are unhappy with themselves. After all, the popularity of plastic surgery gives the idea that older women want to look 20 again.

Think again. Women of that age have never felt better about themselves, according to a survey by Ultima II, Revlon’s prestige makeup line. They do spend a lot of money on cosmetics, but they don’t obsess about every little flaw.

The survey of 400 women between 45 and 65 over a six-day period, specifically found that:

* 64% of those surveyed think a woman isn’t her most beautiful until her 30s or 40s.

* 93% disagree that life is downhill after 30.

* 94% say they are still concerned about appearances but no longer obsess over every flaw.

* 33% will not leave home without wearing lipstick (14% said moisturizer and 11% said foundation).

Still, if there was one thing they could “magically” change, 55% say it would be their weight.

“I was surprised about the weight,” said Cybill Shepherd, the 49-year-old spokeswoman for Ultima who lives in the Valley. “I hated that every woman wanted to be 10 pounds thinner. What does that say, that none of us are ever good enough?”

She noted the survey results were “very positive and wonderful, considering the preponderance of skinnier, younger women in the media.”

More TV and movies portray women who are increasingly younger and thinner--size 2 and 0.

“Who wants to be 0 anything? We need to see some bigger legs in those miniskirts,” says the former model, who now wears size 10 or 12.

Last year, Shepherd’s sitcom “Cybill” went off the air, as did “Murphy Brown,” “Murder She Wrote,” “Roseanne” and “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Women”--all shows starring women over 40.

“Women are more sensible than anybody thinks,” says Barbara Sher, 64 and author of “It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now: How to Create Your Second Life After Forty” (Delacorte Press, 1998).

Sure, she says, there is often a great panic about turning 40, both for men and women. But once there, many find the age liberating. Life becomes about pleasing oneself, she says. Still, beauty remains an enduring influence.

“I don’t think the need to be beautiful ever completely goes away,” says Sher, a therapist and career counselor. “That’s why you have this bizarre contradiction: Women don’t really care about their looks, but we don’t want to be fat and we won’t go out the door without lipstick.”

As women of the baby boomer generation age, more and more companies are recognizing these mature but young-at-heart consumers.

Says Shepherd, “Women in our 40s buy more makeup than anyone else. Hello!” With the demographic shift comes new opportunity. “I never thought I would ever work this long, that I would be a spokesperson for a major cosmetics company at 49.”

Still, she says, age is sometimes hard to reconcile. “I’m still feeling afraid every day. I don’t like to give the impression that this is easy. I look in the mirror and say, ‘Oh my, who is that?’ ”

Motherhood--she has three children--has helped in that regard.

“I’ve learned that actually I’m human, I have compassion for myself.” In her 20s, she was very anxious about her looks and self-worth.

One good thing has come from getting older, Shepherd says. For a while, she was embarrassed by the nude scenes she did for “The Last Picture Show.” But now, she says, she can look at her 20-year-old body and say, “Hey, [I look] pretty great.”

Author Sher embraces the adage: “Your first life belongs to nature and your second life belongs to you.”

She describes herself as a Darwinist who believes that survival of the species guides us, firmly believing that nature is a big reason for the way we act. And nature, pretty much, doesn’t care if we’re beautiful or attractive once the childbearing years are over.

“And there you are. You’ve spent two or three decades in the popularity contest and suddenly, you’re out of it.”

At that point, women often complain about feeling invisible to the outside world. Strangers stop flirting with them. Waiters stop giving them the best table.

“We all say, oh, no, strangers no longer want to have sex. The only people who want to have sex with me are people who love me,” she says. “And this is bad?”

Life is full of contradictions that Sher is happy to live with. “If I pass a mirror, I see I don’t look as attractive as I did as a teenager. If I don’t pass a mirror I have the self-confidence of a woman who has been beautiful her whole life.”

*

Barbara Thomas can be reached by e-mail at barbara.thomas@latimes.com.