LAUGH LINES

Grin and Bare It: “Bad news for New Yorkers and out-of-towners alike. The Supreme Court says New York City can ban nude dancing. So, if you’re looking for nudity in New York, your best bet is still . . . the subway.” (David Letterman)

Time Warp: “If you are reporting to work an hour late, it’s one of two reasons: Either you forgot to turn your clock forward one hour on Sunday morning, or you’re a federal employee.” (Jerry Perisho)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Top Questions on Application

for George Bush’s Running Mate

10. “Ever been president? ‘Cause that would help.”

9. “Do you party? (If ‘No’--skip rest of questions.)”

8. “Do you have ideas for tax plans and stuff that I could copy from?”

7. “We already have a uniter on the ticket, how are your dividing skills?”

5. “Will you be able to assume the presidency if Mr. Bush is really, really hung over?”

3. “You’re not a narc, are you?”

2. “I tiped this kweschun miself! Kan u tel?”

1. “Dude, what fraternity were you in?”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.