LAUGH LINES
A Little Crowded: “There were so many people in front of Elian Gonzalez’s house that some of the Miami Marlins players went over there because they’ve never seen a crowd.” (Jay Leno)
Oil Change: “Miami Heat coach Pat Riley is closing in on his 1,000th coaching victory in the NBA. . . . That will be a big day for Riley because he’s scheduled to change the oil in his hair every 1,000 wins.” (Jerry Perisho)
Seasonal Sightings: “I’m coming through Central Park, and I see one of those ‘only in New York’ spring scenes: . . . New York City police were shooting an unarmed sparrow.” (David Letterman)
On the Agenda: “ABC announced it’s going to air the interview that Leonardo DiCaprio conducted with President Clinton after all. . . . It’s going to be part of a one-hour special . . . called ‘Who Wants to Be a Journalist?’ ” (Andrew Wisot)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Articles in Oprah’s New Magazine
10. “P, R, A and H--the Four Runner-Up Titles for This Magazine”
9. “Do What I Say or I’ll Make Another Movie”
8. “Funerals and Meetings With the Pope: Occasions Not to Use ‘You Go, Girl!’ ”
7. “While You’re Reading This, I Made $50 Million”
5. “The Million-Dollar Bill: A Convenience That’s Long Overdue”
4. “ ‘My Love Affair With Oprah,’ by Oprah”
2. “Ricki Lake’s Home Phone Number and How She Hates 3 a.m. Calls”
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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
