Problems in Burbank

Since Burbank is now NIMBY Central for Southern California, some ideas to make the city a more Not-In-My-Backyard place to live:

* The airport, which generates tax revenue and facility fees and was there long before most current residents of the city, “makes too much noise”--obviously it needs to be completely shut down and turned into another mall. You just can’t have too many places to buy nice clothes and furnishings.

* Let’s sell more of the city streets, as was done at the corner of Buena Vista Street and Olive Avenue, and turn that useless pavement into office space. The right kind of office space, mind you, like Realtors. No show business types need apply.

* And on the subject of streets and show business, let’s close more of them around the studios, as we have across from Warner Bros. Oh sure, the studios have provided thousands of jobs and millions in tax money, but really--allow actors to drive past the fronts of our very homes? I think not.

* More permit-only parking! Too many riffraff come into our city and want to park on our streets while they conduct whatever “business” they’re engaging in. We don’t need their dirty little economy cars sullying our landscape. As a matter of fact, let’s triple any fines or ticket expenses for nonresidents.

The complete solution: Rename the city to “Beverly Hills East” and allow no parking whatsoever for nonresidents--just place money baskets at the gates so would-be visitors can drop their cash and leave without ever setting foot in our environs.

MICHAEL McCONNOHIE

Burbank