Surf Where the Spirit Moves You

Will you find love? Is a promotion at work in your future? When will Sony finally deliver enough PlayStation 2s to go around?

Seekers of truth, the Web is your portal to answers. It sees all, knows all and slows down only during periods of peak usage.

This week, surfers of the third eye, we visit predictors and prognosticators, the psychics armed with Tarot deck and mouse, the spirit guides of the Ethernet. Yep, it’s the LaToya Jackson tour.

We’ll start with good old-fashioned palmistry, especially because we can’t seem to find our lifeline. Free virtual palm readings are available at Greetings America (https://www.greetingsamerica.net). First you place your hand flat on the computer screen (not a good idea if you’ve been eating French fries) so it can be “scanned.” We found out that during the next year someone will do something that surprises us. We certainly hope so.

For the history of palmistry, as well as some cool images, try Jon Saint-Germain’s Palmistry Page (https://www.esper.com/abra/palm.htm). This site did not try our patience line.

There are dozens of sites offering free Tarot readings. Facade (https://www.facade.com/tarot) has eight decks to consult. We recommend the Palladini Tarot because it was the only one that saw something other than conflict, strife or abandonment in the future. Talk about ill-dignified.

Web Press (https://www.webpresspro.com/tarot) has a free reading but with only one deck. Again, the results indicated additional life insurance might be prudent.

Llewellyn’s Web Tarot (https://www.webtarot.net) has some unusual decks and spreads to choose from. We picked the “finding animal helpers spread” with the Shapeshifter deck because we’d like the cat to help us by finding a better place to deposit his hairballs. No such luck.

A lot of these Tarot readings just seem to make us feel bad and guilty. Can’t you just call an ex for that? What about fun decks?

At Hollywood Tarot (https://www.hollywoodtarot.com) the true seers in our society--celebs--bring us the answers. We like this: Ava Gardner as the Moon, Mr. Spock as King of Cups, John Malkovich as 9 of Swords and Xena as princess of swords (or pretty much anything she wants to be).

If you’re not having luck at cards, move to the craps table. Among other things, Madame Modine (https://www.madmo.com) will tell your fortune with dice. And, yes, the name of the game fits our particular fortune. The Madame also will use dominoes for divination.

We thought maybe a fortune cookie would be a little more positive about the future. Not so at Bad Cookie (https://www.badcookie.com). That’s one nasty little pastry.

What about Magic Eight Balls? There’s a virtual one at https://www.indra.com/resources/8ball/front.html that gives the normal stuff, but we’d rather get advice from the late Kurt Cobain’s Magic Talking 8 Ball (https://www.xworld.com/cobain). Not likely, dude.

Maybe it was time to try a live psychic. At 800predict (https://www.800predict.com) you can get a five-minute reading for free, but you’d better hope your psychic has DSL. After that you pay: $19.95 for 10 minutes; $49.95 for 30 minutes; and $99.95 for 70 minutes. There’s also celebrity psychic gossip and some other freebies. For example, Britney Spears’ astrological forecast tells us she will get married in July 2001. As for her career, “While sales aspects look promising, don’t look for these to change the way we think about music.” Like we need the stars to figure that one out?

But our live psychic was more positive than the Tarot decks. Some excerpts:

Crystal: Hello..I’m Crystal...What can I do for you today?

robertLA: I’m trying this for the first time. Do I need to put my forehead against the monitor or anything?

Crystal: ~smilin~...that would be interesting

Crystal: If you will give me the questions that you would like answered, it will be my pleasure to channel with my angels for you :)

robertLA: Ok, what am I getting for Christmas?

Crystal: some things Robert you are NOT to know at this time and that is one of them...(LOL)

robertLA: Darn. Do your angels know who really won the election?

Crystal: my angels tell me not to waste my energies on politics

robertLA: Do your angels tell you anything about me?

Crystal: yes...they tell me you are loved by many and you are very charming...(they don’t normally tell me that one)

robertLA: Really? Can they tell me where I can find these people who love me?

Crystal got some things right during the session, but we never did find out about this potential dating pool. Or Christmas.

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Robert Burns is an assistant Business editor at The Times.