LAUGH LINES

That’s What Friends Are For: “Republican presidential hopeful Gary Bauer has dropped out of the race for the presidency. . . . At his press conference, Bauer thanked his supporters, then drove both of them home.” (Craig Kilborn)

The Woman for the Job: “In her announcement [that she’s running for a New York Senate seat], Hillary Clinton promised to bring more jobs to New Yorkers. But if she wins, isn’t she taking a job from a New Yorker? Isn’t [Rudolph] Giuliani a New Yorker? . . . You know what else is kind of ironic? Hillary might land a big job in New York before Monica Lewinsky and she didn’t even have to sleep with the president to get it.” (Jay Leno)

Reality Programming: “Charlie Sheen is reportedly being considered to replace the ailing Michael J. Fox on ‘Spin City.’ ‘Spin City’? Sounds like Sheen every morning when he wakes up.” (Mark Wheeler)

Future Shock: “Steve Forbes told high school students in Delaware Monday that they will never see a check from Social Security. He said, contrary to what they’ve been told, there’s no money there for them. It’s the same speech he gave his kids after the New Hampshire primary.” (Argus Hamilton)

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