Now He’s Trying to Light a Fire Under His Team

Judging by a column he wrote for the Sunday Telegraph in England, John McEnroe is coming out smoking as the new U.S. Davis Cup captain.

“At an auction last year, I bought a golden cigarette case that belonged to Fred Perry bearing the carved autographs of the 1933 Davis Cup final teams,” McEnroe wrote. “It’s among my most treasured possessions, in my tennis bag wherever I go. Did you know that the British and French teams won six matches before they reached the final?”

And the point of this story?

“I have to plead with Pete Sampras: ‘Aw c’mon, Pete, play for me, pleeeeease.’ The two countries that reach the pinnacle of the 2000 Davis Cup final will play four ties in total. That’s no great demand.”

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Trivia time: Rancid Crabtree is a character created by which popular outdoor author and columnist?

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Howdy, y’all: Donald Trump wants to build a $200-million speedway within sight of the New York skyline.

“Trump--tycoon, entrepreneur, playboy, presidential wannabe--wants in on NASCAR,” wrote Larry Woody in the Nashville Tennessean. “The Donald wants to become the Bubba.”

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Just like Fifth Avenue: Iver Peterson of the New York Times is unsure about Trump’s proposed track.

“Are people this far north ready for the foot-stomping, Confederate-flag-waving, rebel-yelling, hard-charging world of stock car racing?” he wrote.

“Will Manhattan sophisticates, Greenwich stockbrokers, Hoboken artists and the general run of suburban homebodies really want to jam the front-row seats to exult at the sting from bits of tar, tire tread and unburned hydrocarbons as the big cars go shrieking down the straightaway?”

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Speak easy: The Atlanta Braves might be sorry they didn’t pay attention to a suggestion made by Dave Kindred in the Sporting News last October.

“When next we see [John] Rocker in public,” Kindred wrote, “he may be wearing one of those Hannibal Lecter muzzles.”

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Boxed in: Undisputed world heavyweight champion Lennox Lewis of Britain wants to defend his title at home, but claims it’s impossible.

“My fans have spent thousands traveling the world and I would love to repay them by fighting on home soil in England,” he told the Sunday Telegraph. “But that is pretty hard when casinos come up with a figure like $10 million. If it was up to me, I would say hang the money.”

So, who’s it up to then, Lennox?

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Speaking of undisputed: Wasn’t it George Carlin who asked, “If it’s undisputed, what’s all the fighting about?”

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Trivia answer: Patrick F. McManus.

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And finally: Florida State receiver Peter Warrick has no idea how Virginia Tech got its nickname. When asked what a Hokie was, he answered, “It’s a sandwich, right?”

Told that the name comes from a chant done by the student body and that the team mascot is a turkey, Warrick quickly amended his answer.

“Turkey sandwich,” he said.