LAUGH LINES

Let Truth Prevail: “President Clinton told Democrats in California it’s not necessary to say anything bad about Republicans. He said if Democrats just look voters in the eye and tell the truth, they will win. Of course, he’s just speculating.” (Argus Hamilton)

Cigar Caution: “The government is finally going to put warning labels on cigars. It’s going to say: ‘Warning: Cigars are linked to cancer, heart disease . . . and impeachment.’ ” (Bill Maher)

A Non-Subscriber: “Tipper Gore . . . said that she never, ever reads the newspaper. . . . After hearing about it, George W. Bush said, ‘Really? Doesn’t she care what happens to Marmaduke?’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

Split Personalities: In “Me, Myself & Irene,” Jim Carrey “plays a man with two personalities. And, sadly, neither one stands a chance of getting nominated for an Academy Award.” (Alex Kaseberg)

A Fast High: “Police in Butler County, Ohio have arrested Wendy’s employees who were selling marijuana through the drive-thru window. . . . Do you think that they screw up the drug orders as much as they screw up the regular orders? People are halfway home, and they are like: ‘This is crack! I ordered black-tar heroin!’ ” (Jay Leno)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.