LAUGH LINES

All a Blur: “It seems that a new study by an Australian university says that, contrary to popular opinion, women do not lose their ability to remember after they become pregnant. Have you ever heard that women lose their memory when they become pregnant? . . . It seems to me that it’s the guy who loses his ability to remember when the girl comes up and says, ‘Hi. I’m pregnant.’ [He’s like:] ‘Who’s this? I really don’t remember.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Soap ‘n’ Politics: “Jesse Ventura will star in ‘The Young and the Restless.’ It is no surprise. If Americans have learned anything in the last [few] years, it’s that nothing keeps you in office like starring in a national soap opera.” (Argus Hamilton)

Surprise, Surprise: “A federal judge ordered the breakup of Microsoft. . . . Eight years ago, who would have thought Microsoft would be split up and the Clintons would still be together.” (Leno)

Come Clean: “Oregon 12th-grader Leslie Shorb lost her title as class valedictorian for showering nude in the boys’ locker room with five male friends. It’s so unfair. She couldn’t appeal the decision because President Clinton was in Russia.” (Hamilton)

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