Out of Left Field and on Catalina

It’s that time of the year again when tourists’ thoughts turn to Santa Catalina Island--confused thoughts, in many cases. Wayne Griffin, the president of the visitors bureau there, says someone called the other day and asked: “Is the water at the beach saltwater?”

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MORE ON THIS STRANGE LAND: Some other recent, offbeat queries that the Catalina visitors bureau has received:

“Do you have to wear a suit on the boat?”

“Catalina Island? What is it--an island?”

“Do you know California time? Is the island on the same time?”

“If my ticket says 1:15 for the glass-bottomed boat, do you think I need to be on the boat at 1:15?”

“I’m calling you from my cell phone, and I want to call you from my home phone. What is your number?”

“I don’t want to pay $150 to scatter my mother’s ashes. Can I just drop them off the back of the boat on the way to Avalon?”

“What activities do you have on Avalon for our dog?”

“Do you think we’ll need a bathing suit for scuba diving?”

And, finally, one of Griffin’s favorite perennials:

“How far is the ocean from the beach?”

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Chris Ulrich of Northridge and your obedient servant happened upon doughnut stands with dueling inventory philosophies (see photos).

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BAD WHEELS DEPT.: In Wednesday’s column, I mentioned the listing of a “Datsun” in the pet ads. In a somewhat related development, Carolyn Olney of Claremont snapped a shot of a mechanic for anyone whose Dachshund isn’t running well (see photo).

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LIVING UP TO ITS NAME? Jack Roper of Dana Point noticed that Anaheim Patio & Fireside has stores in Brea, Irvine and Huntington Beach, but none in Anaheim.

An employee told me that there once was an Anaheim store but it had to give way to a freeway construction project. Well, these things even out. Remember that football team that was based in Anaheim and called itself the Los Angeles Rams?

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TARZANA OF THE MOVIES: Some local color from movies in the American Film Institute’s new list of the top 100 laugh-getters:

* 4--”Annie Hall” (1977): Alvy Singer says of L.A.: “I don’t want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.”

* 9--”The Graduate” (1967): Ben, who is shying away from a party his parents have thrown, is told by his mother: “The Carlsons are here. They came all the way from Tarzana.”

* 32--”The Thin Man” (1934): Detective Nick Charles tells an acquaintance in New York: “I don’t know anything. I’ve been in California the last four years.”

* 87--”Fast Times at Ridgemont High” (1982): Valley surfer Jeff Spicoli’s motto is, “All I need are some tasty waves, cool buzz, and I’m fine.”

While “Ghostbusters” was ranked No. 28, I preferred the (unranked) sequel, “Ghostbusters II,” which offers this line from Dr. Peter Venkman to a monster causing havoc in Manhattan: “If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you’d be living the sweet life out in Southern California’s beautiful San Fernando Valley.”

miscelLAny:

Carol Gill of Whittier saw a gardener’s truck that said “Mow-Town.”