LAUGH LINES

Tough Times: “George W. Bush and Al Gore were profiled on CNN in one-hour biographies. The hardest three-year stretch for Gore was from 1972 to ’75. The hardest three-year stretch for Bush was the second grade.” (Argus Hamilton)

In the Forecast: “There’s a Web site that will give you underwater weather reports for an area off the coast of New Jersey. . . . Who would need to know this other than dead Mafia informants?” (Jay Leno)

Closed Off: “Hillary Clinton turned 53 recently. The president and friends threw her a party. Bill got her a cake and told her to close her eyes and make a wish. . . . Haven’t her eyes been closed for their entire marriage?” (Mark Wheeler)

Shaking Things Up: “George W. Bush refused to apologize on David Letterman’s show for signing 143 death warrants as the Texas governor. It’s a numbers game. He thought it would help him to get more volts in the Electrical College.” (Hamilton)

Just Dropping In: “The Secret Service took an unarmed man into custody on the White House grounds the other day. He jumped over the . . . gate and they grabbed him on the lawn. I believe bail was set at a hundred grand. For half that, he could have slept in the Lincoln bedroom.” (Leno)

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