LAUGH LINES

Change of Heart: “A woman in Texas had her heart taken out, repaired and put back in. . . . The heart was repaired using parts from a cow heart. How bad is her HMO--using cow parts?” (Jay Leno)

Toy Story: “The annual list of ‘The 10 Worst Toys’ came out. Among the toys . . . are the Bart Simpson Slingshot and Sesame Street’s Medical Check-Up Ernie. The problem? . . . You can’t play with your Medical Check-Up Ernie unless you first visit your H-Elmo.” (Daily Scoop)

Big Deal: “A study shows that playing cards can improve your health. Unless you lose more than you can pay to someone named Big Louie.” (Paul Steinberg)

Eat Up: “McDonald’s announced plans to open a chain of . . . Golden Arch Hotels all across Europe. They’ll be part hotel and part McDonald’s [restaurant]. That’s when you know you are eating too much fast food--when you go to a McDonald’s to eat and you have to get a room afterward.” (Leno)

*

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.