A Course for Legal Eagles, and Birdies

“Par for the courts!” quipped Ken Ayeroff of Beverly Hills. He sent along a continuing education program for California lawyers in Hawaii that included “Dress Code in Court” (one hour) and “Golf Law” (1 1/2 hours). The golf law course was half an hour longer than the “Ethical Duties in the Courtroom” course. Wonder if any of the barristers, by coincidence, brought their golf clubs along?

SPEAKING OF LEGAL MATTERS: Resident Brian Theobald is upset about the relocated fire hydrant in the 3500 block of Lowry Road in Los Feliz. It’s in the middle of a curving sidewalk on a hill (see photo).

“Bicycle riders have not always been quick enough to see it and avoid hitting it, especially while riding downhill,” Theobald said.

The hydrant, formerly located off the sidewalk behind a tree, was moved by the city after some water lines were replaced.

Theobald tried to reason with the contractor not to install it in the sidewalk, but the latter said “he was only following instructions. I wonder just who in the city of L.A. chose to create such a hazardous liability for the city?”

TALK ABOUT AVANT GARDE: An apparent sawdust sculpture caught the eye of John Williams at UCLA (see photo). I have to admit, I just don’t understand modern art.

THE WAY TO A WOMAN’S HEART: Constance Bessada of Van Nuys noticed the item in this space about the 50ish woman who said of her boyfriend: “I’m so tired of him. I’d really rather have a new kitchen.”

Said Bessada: “That lady knows whereof she speaks. I got a new kitchen as my divorce settlement and it’s the best deal I ever made.” Bessada, a divorce lawyer, handled her own case.

EVERY L.A. STORY HAS A SHOW BIZ ANGLE: Bessada subsequently feared she might lose her new kitchen--to a fire. Attempting to learn how to flambe coq au vin as she watched a cooking program on TV, she heard the instructor say that a glass of brandy should be added to the concoction.

She used a water glass instead of a shot glass.

“Suddenly I had a four-foot flame,” she said. Luckily, she was able to douse the fire. The “Food 911” cable show sympathized with her plight and, the next thing she knew, she was the subject of a 30-minute how-to-flambe program in her own kitchen.

“They even gave me a fire extinguisher,” she said.

NOW THAT’S CHEEKY! In a Westlake Village store, G. McEwen of Malibu saw a sign asking customers to “bare with us” while the restroom was being cleaned.

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Mention was made here about the hearse driver who was ticketed for driving in the carpool lane despite his contention that the corpse in back should count as a passenger. San Jose Mercury News columnist Gary Richards reported another ruse, a driver “who dressed up his large dog with a hat and scarf.”

Richards said one commuter who observed the couple “thought the passenger was having a bad-hair day.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.