LAUGH LINES

Bare and Grin It: “It’s official. Paula Jones will appear naked in the December issue of Penthouse magazine. . . . We make fun, but apparently, they say the photos are very tastefully done. . . . Like, nowhere in any of the photos can you see her face.” (Jay Leno)

Let’s Play Ball: “According to a recent survey, women think guys look their sexiest when they’re playing football. . . . Unless, of course, they’re playing for the San Diego Chargers.” (Andrew Wisot)

Going for a Swim: “In a recent interview, Mayor Giuliani said that if it were up to him, he would throw all the New York sex shops in the ocean. . . . In a related story, President Clinton was spotted buying scuba gear.” (Conan O’Brien)

Ho Ho Ho: “Hillary Clinton admitted that she used her Christmas party list to send fund-raising letters. . . . You can’t beat this White House at Christmas. The Nativity scene on the lawn shows the three wise men bringing sacks of cash.” (Argus Hamilton)

Aloha!: “Miss Hawaii is the new Miss America. George W. Bush is thrilled. He says it’s about time we had a winner from a foreign country.” (Leno)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.