These Case Studies Aren’t Similar

Those appointed to evaluate the Lakers and Portland Trail Blazers eventually arrive at the notion of degrees of locker-room turmoil, then discuss it as if it has its own column in the standings: Home, Road, Dysfunction Percentage, Last 10.

Coaches obediently compare and contrast. Players deny, or laugh, or deny and laugh, which, we believe, is a symptom.

By the latest tally, from L.A.’s feuding superstars to Portland’s seething superstars, it’s too close to call, for most.

“Oh, it’s definitely Portland,” Kobe Bryant said. “We’re not even close. We’re like the Brady Bunch.”

Who played Alice?

“Are you kidding me?” Bryant said, laughing. “We’ve never really been dysfunctional. We’ve had our difficulties and our moments, but that’s not out of the ordinary. If you just watch the news and read the papers, you don’t know what’s going on in Portland at all. You’d just think L.A.’s the dysfunctional family. Now, all of a sudden, [you hear] it’s been going on in Portland this whole time. So, if I were you [reporters], I’d be a little upset, actually. Because the bigger story was evolving in Portland, not here in Los Angeles. You guys missed out on it.”

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An active off-season is ahead for the Laker front office, which would like to make the team younger and quicker, particularly in the back court. But another championship could lighten the extent of the turnover.

“I don’t think the expectations could have been any higher,” Rick Fox said. “The only thing left is to live up to those or try to get your head out of the guillotine.”

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The question of the day: Does Shaquille O’Neal really “own” Arvydas Sabonis, as O’Neal suggests in “Shaq Talks Back,” his new book?

The answer, from Bryant: “I don’t see why not. Shaq owns everybody in the league. I don’t know why Sabonis would be any different.”

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Fined $10,000 by the NBA this week for refusing to share his view of the world and the Western Conference playoffs, Rasheed Wallace stomped into Staples Center on Saturday afternoon and announced to the assembled reporters that he was ready for his interview, “because I’m only going to do this once.”

The league also hit the Trail Blazers for $25,000, apparently for not insisting its players conform to David Stern’s vision of Shangri-La, in which reporters ask questions, write down the answers and then share them the next morning in many of the local newspapers.

Wallace, appearing somewhat reticent, answered several questions with the same response: “I’m here to play basketball.”

Asked to explain why he threw a towel into the face of his own teammate last Sunday, Wallace spat, “I ain’t even answering that.”

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Bryant has had four days off his ankles, O’Neal as many off his feet, and Horace Grant, who didn’t play Tuesday, has been off his left knee for six.

They’ve all practiced and, other than Ron Harper, the Lakers enter the playoffs as healthy as they have been for most of the season.

“We’re even at a point now where Harp’s complaining about not getting enough time on the court,” Coach Phil Jackson said. “So, that bodes well for us. Physically, I think we’re fine. But, this first playoff [series] should be easy for us to make it through. It’s not until you get to the Memorial weekend, Mother’s Day, where they’re back to back or you’re playing in two games in three nights when we’ll be physically tested.”

Harper, recovering from arthroscopic knee surgery, probably won’t be available until later in the first round, if not the second round.

Bryant missed nine of the Lakers’ last 14 games.

“I feel pretty good,” he said. “I think my cutting has picked up a lot more. I can cut a lot harder. I’m back-pedaling, changing directions pretty good.”

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The Lakers must be ready to play. They really have no choice. But Jackson said he has noticed a heightened competitiveness.

“In practice there’s a certain tension,” Jackson said. “No fights, but we’ve had confrontations, which is pretty natural. Guys are feisty.”

Said Bryant: “We’re ready to get started. There’s been a lot of preparation. We’re ready for the game now.”

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Robert Horry wore an XFL cap to practice, proof the league absolutely has a fan, right?

“No,” he said. “The hat was free. And it went with what I wore.”