LAUGH LINES

Keeping Count: “An exhaustive story recently in the New York Times said many questionable overseas ballots were counted in last year’s contentious Florida recount. [Here are] some numbers: 24 reporters spent six months talking with [roughly] 3,300 voters in 43 countries, and they wrote more than 13,000 words about it all. Now what does this all add up to? We still have one doofus in the White House.” (Ira Lawson)

The Spy Factor: “Pierce Brosnan was signed on recently to play James Bond again. [As secret agent Bond,] he seduces three women, battles evil--and narrowly avoids capture That’s not a movie! ... That’s just Bill Clinton’s list of things to do today.” (Argus Hamilton)

Her Wifely Duty: “Vice President Dick Cheney came down with laryngitis, so his wife had to deliver a speech for him. After the speech, Cheney’s wife had to spend the rest of the day telling President Bush what to do.” (Conan O’Brien)

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