Parents and Good Sportsmanship

The American Youth Soccer Organization disbanded Palmdale and Chino Hills boys teams after 30 parents and coaches took part in a fight. Parent conduct at youth sports activities has become increasingly aggressive.

KEVIN BELL

Parent-coach, Los Angeles

I am the father of two sons; both are basketball players. Since they entered high school, I have attended every one of their games.

I am the critic in the stands. My voice probably sounds like I’m using a microphone. People who don’t know me may feel intimidated. If you sit next to me, you may decide that you want to move away. But I am going to be myself and enjoy the game from my perspective. Sometimes that can offend others unintentionally.

I work with recreational programs in housing developments, mostly with low-income and gang-affiliated children. I am firm and raw, and I carry that wherever I go. But I am comfortable with kids. I was a very poor kid. I can relate to a kid who has nothing and doesn’t want to be excluded because he can’t afford the travel or to dress like other kids. When I see these kids, I see myself.

I’ve gotten pretty emotionally involved in games, although I never had an altercation with a coach or with another parent. I do get caught up when it’s a big game like the recent Fairfax/Westchester game in the annual summer Nike tournament. I called out to support Fairfax. A parent sitting below me called out to support Westchester. It was a friendly rivalry.

As parents, we care about the kids. We want them to succeed. We don’t want them to go through the pain of losing. We ultimately want them to go to college.

Sports start off as a hobby for some people to keep their children out of trouble. But sometimes parents see an opportunity that maybe their kid can go professional or at the bare minimum, earn a scholarship. With that comes the pressure of being successful. Sports bonds me to my sons. I let them know that if they listen to me, I’ll take them as far as they want to go, and they want to go a long way.

As a coach and father, I use this motto: Preparation and dedication breed success. That goes across the board, no matter what you do in life. I don’t think that winning is everything. I think winning is the only thing.

JEANEY GARCIA

Los Angeles coordinator, Positive Coaching Alliance

The mission of the Positive Coaching Alliance is to transform youth sports so that sports can transform youths. It is one thing to have a parent sign a pledge for good conduct. It is another to sit with parents and talk through scenarios.

We may discuss, for example, how a parent responds when there are two outs, his child is at bat and strikes out. We encourage the parent to respond in a way that makes the child feel good about participation. We remind the parent that when the child loses, he or she is not going to feel great. So we educate the parent about the appropriateness and timing of what to say and of what not to say.

PCA is all for competition, but we encourage parents to keep it in perspective. We want to help parents create an environment where kids have fun in sports.

On the parents’ part, there is often a feeling that kids must be involved in so many things to get into college and particularly, to earn a scholarship. But that is not necessarily the case. What often happens is lots of stress for children.

The chances of youths staying involved are greater if they enjoy what they are doing. Instead of encouraging a variety of interests, lots of parents are caught up in their kids specializing in a single sport, even when the children are young. If parents help children keep it fun, children can enjoy sports for a lifetime.

In the workshops, we underscore the misfortune when parents try to live vicariously through their children. Every parent wants what is best for his child, but things must be done in a way that there is balance.

Too frequently, there is a win-at-all-cost attitude in sports. But character-building is more important than the end result of winning.